The Meaning Behind A Touch
by Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare
Summary: GaaNaru, Gaara POV. canonverse. mini-ficlet. COMPLETE! .:. They say you can't truly understand something until you experience it for yourself. I'm determined to prove that theory. Although they also say that we shouldn't stray too far from what we know...
1. Storm On The Rise

**A/N: what in God's good name am I doing?! Were the hell is this cheesy, mushy, fluffy crap coming from? AND WHY CAN'T I GET THIS PAIRING OUTTA MY HEAD AND OFF MY FINGERTIPS? Damn it all! In my own mind, it's become canon and absolute. How sick is that? I need a therapist… or not, since that spells 'the rapist'. Heh, heh… Celebrity Jeopardy. Good times, good times. Hurray for the 'Sean Connery' of the show.  
****-ahem- Just bear with me, people. I promise this foxycoon phase will pass.… eventually. (sigh)  
****Oh, and I want everyone who knows me to Google 'Gaaracasm'… guess where it leads you to? One link, and one ****certain**** chapter of a ****certain**** story, huhu. (w****hich reminds me: someone said they saw my word on another website something that starts with an 'm', I think… yeah, I dunno). Are you guys spreading it around like I told you to? I SURE HOPE SO! :D**

**Now, on with my mini-ficlet.  
Warning: some sand sib fluff ahead (OMG NU WAI!). And shounen-ai later on, duhh. -winkwink- ****Oh, and for Naruto's apartment in chapter three: I had to look at a diagram of it by the artist, LOL. I totally forgot some things about his room and the layout of things. It's such a simple-looking residence, really…**

* * *

_They say you can't truly understand something until you experience it for yourself.  
__I'm determined to prove that theory._

* * *

It's an unusual night. Oddly, it had begun normal enough: paperwork dragging on into the evening after some meetings from the afternoon, Temari hassling me about getting some sleep now that I'm technically able to without consequences, and Kankurou coming in with news about our allies, the shinobi of Konohagakure.

But things had turned unusual the second my older brother told us the specific news. The first sign of abnormality: he was pacing wildly. Kankurou never paces; he's not the nervous type.

Immediately, I clear my mind and open my ears, my body on alert. What could possibly be making the great puppet master so uneasy? I have to know.

"Kankurou?" Temari inquires, her tone asking an entire question with one name. Now I see where I get the same talent from. 'What the hell is going on?' her tone is saying. And her body language is speaking impatiently. 'Spit it out.'

Slowly his pace, my brother tosses off his black hood and ruffles his hair. He smudges his red-purple face paint as he runs a seemingly sweaty palm down his features. "Alright. I just some news from the messenger hawk center at the wall." He releases a slow breath. "We have to evacuate."

I raise one of my hairless eyebrows, mild curiosity flashing across my face, I'm sure. "Whatever for?" Normally I would wait for him to explain, but I have a feeling he needs prodding. I'm proven right.

"Uh… well… according to what I read and was told, it's not going to be safe here in the next month. So Konoha offered it's doors, saying we could move our minute population there for the time being; at least until Suna is safe to live in again," he says so hurriedly I have to glance at Temari to ask for a translation. She doesn't even acknowledge me. Instead, she gulps and voices a question of her own.

"From what threat? What's coming, Kankurou?"

He shakes his head tiredly. "The worst storm in desert history." My sister and I wait for him to wet his dry lips and elaborate; obviously, we can't understand what the big deal is. We've had plenty of sandstorms in the past. How can this one be any different? Kankurou sits down roughly on the couch I have near the bookshelf in my office. "Last week, there was an enormous earthquake triggered by an explosion somewhere far away from here. None of us felt the aftershock because it had been in the middle of the night when we were sleeping. But the earthquake rattled loose a whole mountain worth of sandy soil, and because of the monsoon season coming, the wind has been steadily picking up and bringing all that sand with it. And if all that sand blisters through Sunagakure with all that rain, we'd be buried in a landslide!"

I cock my head slightly. Reading my thoughts, Temari asks with knitted brows: "How is all that earth supposed to travel so far this way? You're making no sense, Kankurou."

He sighs. "I know. I know. I'm sorry. But the stuff I'm talking about isn't miles away, okay? The earthquake moved the ground upwards and broke apart, see? And the shockwaves went through the ground and is heading right for us! Don't you get it? It's close to us, _right in the very desert around us_. And since it's loosened so much, the high winds can just whisk it away. And once we're covered in sand, the rains will come, and we'll be up to our noses in mud! _We have to leave before that happens_." Kankurou emphasizes.

My interest peaks and I stand from my desk. "Then we will schedule for an evacuation at once. I'll make an appearance tomorrow and announce the situation to everyone. Then, in two weeks' time, we can be locked away safely behind Konoha's gates."

My brother bows, a sigh of relief emerging. "Thank Kami," he mutters. He glimpses at Temari and I before heading out to no doubt alert the council. "And thank you, too, Gaara."

I nod once and watch him leave. Temari turns to me. "Quite the fiasco, ne?"

"But an easily avoided one," I reply. I collect my papers and save the rest for tomorrow. With the arrangements needed to be made, I have to have time to think. And the best place to complete that task is to go to my old sanctuary of the night: the rooftops.

I feel my sister's gaze track me as I wander to the balcony of my bedroom. She leans against the doorframe. She shakes her head and crosses her arms as she leans. "Going to pull another all-nighter and plan things out, Gaara?"

I nod my head, and vaguely feel my bangs tickle the right side of my forehead; something I'm not used to, since for so long, I had a layer of thick sand armor protecting my skin. Funny how many jutsus you lose when over half the chakra in your body is taken from you. And how much control you lose when you don't have a demon of your jutsu's element inside you any longer. Not that I missed the Tanuki; he was in no means a pleasant guest in my body, but I do miss the feeling of protection. Now I felt physically weak. But not mentally; which is why I had to spend the entire night thinking all this over. It's a very unexpected and unfortunate turn of events.

Temari sighs. "I wish you wouldn't push yourself like that. Isn't nearly sixteen years of sleepless nights enough? Can't you relax? I worry about you," she tells me gently. 'Gentle' not being used lightly, since Temari is rarely ever such a thing.

"It's a hard habit to break," I supply as an answer and hop onto the railing of the balcony. I feel my Kazekage robes blow and tap against the balcony's rails. The dry wind licks at my face, and I notice it's chilly tonight from a relatively cool day (by desert standards).

"That's a lie," Temari snorts. "You just don't want to have another nightmare." She takes a step forward. "Do you want me to do something to help?"

I pause a moment to bite the inside of my lower lip, a gesture unseen by my older sister. Without denying her accusation, I mutter, "It's not something you can help someone with," before disappearing. I leap to a few footholds – like windowsills and the rims of this or that – until I'm on the top of the Kazekage mansion. The silvery half circle of the moon is dustily hidden by some clouds filing in from the north. I squint at them, my eyes narrowed with anger. Those clouds for once are bringing a rain more detrimental than beneficial, and it frustrates me. While part of me is intrigued by the possibilities open to me for staying in the Leaf for however long it'll take until Suna is livable again (which could be months, who knows?), most of me at the moment is about to stab something. I don't mind making plans; that's the easy part of this mess. The hard part is getting everyone to cooperate and finding places for an entire village worth of people to reside for the temporary time. What are the people of Konoha going to do? Take us into their homes? Put us in tents in their forest, or in the spare places inside the gates? It's such a hassle, and frankly, I'm much too tired to come up with anything. For once, I need assistance.

Collapsing onto the roof, I rub my temples and exhale heavily. Soon after, my hands drop to my lap. I fist the fabric of my clothing. It feels coarser than usual. I decide I don't need to wear the outermost cloak, and I discard it behind me in a ball, and lean back onto it like a pillow. The stars are still glistening in the vast navy blue on this portion of the sky, and I spy a constellation or two. I try looking for the constellation I made as a child that I named 'uzu', because it was in a perfect chain of stars in a swirly shape. Is it even visible this time of the year? Ah, it is… there, I see it, spiraling down almost directly at me. The center star that makes up uzu winks at me.

Suddenly, I'm reminded of Naruto. The swirls he always wears, and the first syllable of his last name: 'uzu', like my stars. Hmm, Uzumaki Naruto… I haven't seen the blonde since we parted ways some months ago, although as to how many, I lost count. It's almost my birthday, however, so perhaps half a year? I'm not sure. It hardly matters. And yet, I find my fingers twitching irritably and my heart dimly aching upon thinking about him. I automatically take it as a feeling of missing a dear friend, which he's become to me. But that doesn't sound exactly right.

Dismissing those thoughts, I briefly close my eyes and ponder what I'm going to say tomorrow to the people I watch over. Even after being named Kazekage, half of the villagers didn't trust me with the title due to the fact that I am – I mean, _was_ – a Jinchuuriki. Following my abduction and return, however, those opinions of the older citizens changed when they learned Shukaku had been removed. So my speech shouldn't need too many words; if I simply explain the situation and our tact for handling it, they should buy my reasoning without my having to persuade them. At least, I hope for this.

I feel a yawn erupt from my throat, and I try to clamp my jaw to stop it. But it overpowers me, and I make a small noise. How late is it now? Perhaps I should go to bed. I'm not doing much at the moment, anyhow.

Alas, it feels as though my body has transformed into sludge, for I find myself unable to move and my lungs beginning to rise and fall at a steady rate. And my eyelids feel too heavy to even lift. It's been a while since I've been this… exhausted…

At one point, I'm vaguely conscious of the footfalls near my body. I smell perfume, lightly breezing across my nostrils from the wind, and recognize it to be my sister's. Any panic I might've had of the intruder being an enemy vanishes. I hear her speaking to someone. "Come on, help me lift him."

I'm about to awake and protest, but then I hear a smile in a male voice replying to the fan-wielder. "My pleasure; I've always wanted to do this." It's Kankurou. Distantly, I wonder what he means. That's when I feel arms encircle my knees and armpits. My siblings are carrying me to bed; if I were more awake, I probably would flush and tell them I could do it myself. I don't know why, but physical contact like this unnerves me. I never let it occur in the past; and a majority of that time my siblings had been too afraid to do even attempt any sort of affectionate touch. So this is new to me.

When I open my eyes to sunlight in the morning, my shoes are missing, along with the thicker layers of my clothing. I have sheets tucked up under my chin and the mattress around me feels cold; did I not move a muscle during my slumber? I feel fully rested, but as though I had slept like the dead. This is an expression I wince at, reminding myself those aren't the best words since I have died once already. The memory of such empty whiteness and a surreal sense of seeing myself outside of myself… I involuntarily shudder.

I toss off the covers and dress, not bothering to shower this morning. I descend the stairs to the meeting room, and find the council assembled and waiting for me. "We thought we'd let you rest, Kazekage-sama," one of the men – an old mentor of mine named Baki – informs me.

I settle into my seat at the head of the round table and fold my hands in my lap. "I assume you all heard the disastrous news," I begin.

They collectively nod.

"Then I can also assume you don't mind the final decision," I test, watching each individual expression that crosses the faces around me. A few men are stubborn, I've learned, and don't like the Leaf very much.

"Well, er, that's why we wanted to meet with you, Kazekage Gaara-sama," Baki says, clearing his throat. "Some of the councilmen are hesitant to evacuate all the villagers to a place so far away, and so different than what they're used to."

I look down at the wood patterns on the table. I lower my voice, meaning to capture their attention. "Then where else do you suggest we go? I do not see any strong, respectable villages closer to us than Konohagakure, nor any that are our esteemed allies. I agree that it's very different than our way of life here, but no one is quite the same, since no where else is in an oasis in the middle of a desert. But if you think you can choose a place better… then be my guest. But unless you've forgotten, we can't be left out in the open in some place we think is secure and abandoned. Enemies lurk everywhere these days."

I hate having to speak so much. The more I say, no matter what the circumstance, opens windows for my emotions to leak through. People know me as the stoic, dependable leader who is calm and stony-faced about everything, and little speeches could break that reputation. And I'm not about to let that happen. I've come too far to build a solid relationship with this village to have it all come crumbling down.

I catch a few members of the council swallowing hard. They clearly heard the small threat in my tone, and don't dare disagree with me. In fact, one man murmurs: "You're right; what were we thinking?" and another says, "How foolish. Of 'course." And yet another: "We were wrong to doubt you." And finally: "Shall we tell the population?"

Nodding my head and standing, I tell them, "Yes, and as soon as possible. If you could get everyone in the square by one o'clock today, I will give a speech and explain everything."

They mutter their agreement. "When should we depart for Konoha?" one man wants to know.

I pause in the doorway. "Tomorrow, send a hawk saying we will arrive in a couple weeks. We can't afford to have that storm arrive early." I then retreat to my office to wrap up the papers I have yet to read over from the previous night.


	2. Letter and Speech

**A/N: I have the first three chapters completed for you already. So here's number two!  
Oh, and "atamagaokashii" means 'insane'.**

* * *

_They also say that we shouldn't stray too far from what we know.  
__Of all people, I believe this more than anything.  
__But sometimes boundaries are preordained to be broken._

* * *

There are moments, as rare as they may come, when I grow self-conscious. I have the urge to suck my inner lip in between my teeth and press down, sometimes hard enough to draw blood. Somehow, the shock of pain and the taste of my old obsession stimulate my brain and I come to my senses and deliver whatever duty I am required to perform. However, this is a recent habit that I've developed from about the age of thirteen and onward, when I was less homicidal and deranged. It was also about the same time as when I decided I wished to pursue the same dream as Naruto and become respected and needed by my village as their leader.

And here I am, their leader, but also feeling a tad afraid. If the elder councilmen didn't want to go to Konoha, I fear my worries from last night about the villagers being unsatisfied with the decision might come true. So, I bite my sore lip, though it does not bleed, and I pace myself. I can do this, I think boldly.

I clear my throat. "Silence! Kazekage-sama is about to explain the meaning of this assembly!" One of my guards call out.

Near me, Kankurou nods his head and gives a small thumbs-up to support me. Temari merely smiles, though her eyes look far from happy. Why must smiles do that? Why can't they be straightforward, and used only when someone is amused?

I inhale and raise my voice to it's loudest over the heads of my people. "Citizens of Sunagakure," I start off with, "A great threat is approaching us, the threat of a heavy sandstorm that will bury us alive. To make matters worse, the rains are coming, and they will turn that sand to mud and encase us. So to prevent any deaths, the council and I have declared an emergency evacuation to Konohagakure within the next two weeks."

I hear the voices below rise in panic and distress, and the rumble of combined voices echo in my ears. Fighting off a headache, I speak once more.

"Now, Konoha has already given it's consent, and by tomorrow or the following day we will have an answer from the Hokage herself as to how we'll proceed with living arrangements for whatever time we're there." I pause, listening to more shouts, all of which resemble questions. "I understand your anguish and know this is difficult, but please, if you would send your qualms to any of the agents working in my quarters, I promise I'll try and answer them tomorrow at the same time. But in the meanwhile, start thinking about what you can pack and what you have to leave behind, because whether or not you like it, we are forced to leave else we will perish." I leave it at that. It sounds a tad harsh even to me, but I can't take it back.

I walk back to my bedroom and grab a water bottle from the small refrigerator near my dresser. An hour passes, and I gather the means to move to my office.

"Any complaints?" I communicate briskly with Temari, whom I find waiting for me.

"Not a single one," she replies almost brightly. "Seems your people trust you, after your concluding statement. They know you're only trying to protect them."

I sigh through my nose. "Sometimes I wonder."

She waves that aside. "Now then," she smiles sweetly, "Are you hungry? Lunch hour's passed, but I don't think you've eaten today. Maybe I could get someone to bring you something…"

"I'm not hungry," I tell her. It's nothing new; I'm never hungry. Temari gets angry with me about it, similar to how she does with my lack of sleep. She says I overwork myself and starve my body, and that's why I'm so thin. And I argue that I'm not too thin at all, and that she's thinking too much of Naruto's way of living: surrounded by food and building muscle in his stocky form. Personally, I don't think I'm built that way. I was a small child, a small pre-pubescent, and am a small teen. It can't be helped.

Temari scowls. "Dammit, Gaara, you're wasting away." I nearly smile to myself. She's so predictable. And her statement only proves my point further. "I'm getting you food and you're going to eat it, you hear me? You can't live on coffee."

But I love coffee. It's what kept me awake for so many years, and what tastes the best to me out of a lot of the things I've tried.

She exits the room, mumbling something about ordering some miso soup at the very least. To get my strength up or something. It's normally a soup eaten when someone is sick. I'm not sick, and yet Temari must think I am. I could be, although in a different way; I think the stress of the current situation is beginning to wear on me, despite my wishes.

"Here," my sister grunts, shoving a bowl in my hands. The spoon clanks around and nearly falls out of it as the contents slosh around. I smell the miso and can almost see the steam rise from the liquid. "Now that better be all gone by the time I get back. And no dumping it down the sink, you hear me?"

Like I would stoop to something so childish. Still, I assure her I won't and I take a seat at my desk. I slurp the soup timidly; it scorches my tongue, but tastes delicious at the moment, and I suddenly realize exactly how hungry I am.

The bowl of miso drained beside my signed papers, I reach for the drawer on my left hand side. I yank it out completely and stare for a long moment at the picture I have framed, laying with a few specks of dust on it, in the back of the drawer. It's a picture of my entire family minus myself; my mother, my father, my siblings, and my uncle. I don't know why I keep it; I despise two of the men in the photo, one for trying to make me a weapon and the other for betraying me. Still, seeing my mother with baby-faced versions of my siblings… it's a small comfort I have for times like these when something bad is about to happen. It occurs to me that this is an object I would hate to have destroyed, and should bring with me when we depart for the Leaf Village.

I shut the drawer seconds before Temari reenters and smirks. "You finished your soup! I'm proud of you."

I hold back a snort. 'It's nothing to be proud of,' I'm about to say, but I sense something in the blonde woman's aura. "Temari, you look like you have something important to say."

She falters, and I know I've hit home. She seats herself in the chair across from me. "Yeah, actually. Apparently, we got the hawk back already from Konoha; they sent their fastest one. The storm is going to hit sooner than we predicted, and they want us to leave a week in advance. Plus, there's this…" Temari takes out of the red sash around her middle a piece of parchment rolled into a scroll, the seal broken. "It's from Hokage Tsunade-sama," she says.

I take the scroll and unfurl it, my eyes scanning the writing. It reads:

_Godaime Kazekage Gaara-san,_

_By now, I'm sure you know the predicament with the early arrival of the storm. I'm sure your people, when they find out, won't like coming here so soon, but tell them we have arranged for everyone to stay in our hotels, empty apartments, and even our abandoned clan houses, like the Uchihas'. For yourself and your siblings, I thought you might want to stay here in the Hokage mansion in one of my guest bedrooms, but after having a word with Kakashi, I wondered if you'd personally prefer to stay with your friend Naruto. Of 'course, it's entirely up to you, but he's already consented. He says he'd be honored to host you. Actually, I'm paraphrasing; his exact words were: 'Nani? Are you atamagaokashii, baa-chan?! He can't stay anywhere else, dattebayo! I'm not going to have Gaara in some foreign building with a bunch of no-fun adults. He'd go just as atamagaokashii as you're being!' _

…_I tried to convince him that you probably live in a building full of 'no-fun adults' already, but he insisted. Said it'd be better for you, although he can't 'save' your siblings from the same fate because his home is too small for that many people. And, I'm fond of the brat, so I let him have his way. Plus, I didn't want him sulking about it. _

_Anyway, that leaves a bit more room at the Hokage tower for all your councilmen, if they want to, which I'm sure they do. All in all, we have a place for everybody by alphabetical order and rank. We'll be crammed pretty tight, but it's nothing your people (or ours) can't handle._

_Sincerely,  
__Godaime Hokage Tsunade _

I both wanted to smile and frown in confusion after reading. When I look to Temari, I think I surprised her, because through feeling my face from the inside out, I ended up doing both. I quickly swipe both of the teeny emotions from my face, but the damage is done. Temari saw. And by the look in her dark teal orbs, I knew she was one of the people who read this scroll before me, and knew why I made such a face.

"Naruto must miss you," she says to begin with, a tiny all-knowing smirk reaching her lips. It shimmers brighter in her eyes. "He must care about you a lot to want to share his home," she continues. I think she's waiting for a reaction of some sort from me. I refuse to give her one. Losing interest in her teasing, she shrugs. "So, are you going to take him up on his offer?"

Honestly, I don't see how I can refuse. Naruto tends to be very persistent; and deep down – though I would never admit this outside of my own mind to anyone – I couldn't be more flattered or pleased. Flattered, because I felt wanted for the first real time in my life; and pleased, because I was secretly hoping to arrange to stay at Naruto's house. I wasn't about to request it by on my own, however, since I don't want to sound needy or inconvenience someone; least of all Naruto.

But after thinking of him for the first time in months last night while stargazing, I had a ghost of a thought: I don't really trust anyone in Konoha enough to stay in their quarters. I felt uncomfortable and unwanted, even though I tried to convince myself the latter was otherwise in this case. Hence, I came to the conclusion that I only would feel safe and comfortable if I was with the very person who helped change me and bring me back from death: Uzumaki Naruto himself. And the fact that he requested the precise thing I wanted only helped back up my resolve.

To answer Temari, I nod as I roll up the scroll in my hands. "I don't see why not."

She laughs. "I bet he'll just love that."

I wasn't so sure. He sounded eager enough in what Tsunade-sama had written, but when he and I had said goodbye… he had stuttered and flushed ever-so-slightly and was hesitant. I continually wonder why.

I simply shrug – a barely noticeable twitch of the shoulder – and hand back to my sister the scroll. "Have Kankurou alert the village," I demand. I'm suddenly too jittery to give another speech. I need to lie down.

"Sure thing," she nods. I watch Temari pace out of the room, taking my empty soup bowl with her, the spoon clinking around again. What an annoying noise.

I return to my room and decide to hop off the balcony again. My legs carry me to the rooftops near the section of the outer wall furthest from the gates and closest to the clouds I saw looming last night. They appear closer, and I scowl. It's because of those damn rains that we have to evacuate; if the sand would stay dry, we could easily dispose of it. But muddy sand… that's more difficult. We'll have to wait until it's separated and somewhat dry. Hopefully it doesn't compact quick enough to make sandstone, or else we'd really be in trouble.

Sighing to myself, I make my way over to Kankurou, who I notice is speaking with a guard at the watchtower stationed nearby. My brother waves, and the man turns around and bows briefly to me. I lift a hand in greeting and send the brunette of the two a look, asking with my eyes, 'what are you talking about?'

"No need to be concerned, Gaara," Kankurou shrugs. "We're not saying anything important, really. Just talking about what this move is going to do to our overall financial situation, and some of the problems certain families are going to have."

"On the contrary, that is very much my concern," I contradict. I fold my arms over my chest. "I realize the debt we're getting ourselves into both morally and financially, but it'll turn out fine. I'm not worried. I am worried, however, about the families. Most men will be out of work for a while, and some will be working overtime to visit regularly to see what the damage is." I hate having to speak so much at one time; I'm used to the silence between me and others, but this recent problem is causing me to say a lot more. Hopefully, when I stay with Naruto, he can talk for the both of us so I won't have to. For some reason, I know I'll slip up with my emotions if I say too much to_ him_.

"That's very true, Kazekage-sama," the guard says. "I'm worried about my own family for the same reason. Since I normally stand watch, I have the feeling you'll need to send me."

I blink lethargically, a way of shrugging and showing my nonchalance. "I may or may not have to. It depends."

The man looks slightly more relaxed. Feeling I have nothing more to add, I leave to see if anything is awaiting me in my office.

- - -

Oddly, there wasn't much stress during the week before our departure. I was comforted by this fact, and I think everyone else around me was as well. It seemed as though the citizens of Sunagakure were ready to move things along, so the packing and preparation went on without a hitch. To put it lightly, I was pleased.

"Temari," I call. She appears behind me, and I'm surprised I hadn't noticed her there prior. "Are we ready to leave come morning?"

"Actually," she says, "The people want to leave at sunset so we can travel when it isn't so hot. It might be December, almost January, and the rains might be coming, but you know how hot it is in the desert anyway. So everyone wants to leave within the next few hours. They're collecting in the streets now."

Puzzled, I walk to the nearest window and peek out. My sister's right; as we speak there are hundreds of people herding together with their belongings on their backs. They look like pack mules readying for battle, since over half of them are certified shinobi, and a little over a quarter of them at chunnin rank or higher.

"Alright," I nod, "Then we'll leave at sunset."


	3. Ebb and Flow

**A/N: Enter, Konohagakure! :D  
OH, MY GOD. All day I wondered, "Why does this date ring a bell? It feels like a special day... is it someone's birthday? But who's? I don't remember any of my friends having a birthday in October, let alone today..."  
And then I saw a certain journal on DeviantART by a friend of mine.  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NARUTO!! YAYYY!!**

* * *

_I wonder if my boundaries can be broken, however. I built them so strongly…  
__Perhaps all it calls for is the right person.  
__And I think I know who to choose._

* * *

Our evacuation flowed smoothly. We had to rest quite often for some reason or another, and in a week (a record for so many people traveling the distance we have to) we find ourselves emerging from the trees to face Konohagakure.

The front gates were open wide, and many people – I want to say about half the village itself – were lined up on the inside to meet with us. We had sent messenger hawks every step of the way so the Leaf could be prepared for us. And boy, were they prepared. It touched me that our allies cared so much and went through all this trouble.

Being in front with my siblings, I get to meet with Tsunade-sama at the gates first. "Gaara-san!" she says with a smirk. "Good to see you arrived safely."

I force myself to smile in the smallest way. "Thank you for being so hospitable in our time of need."

Tsunade waves that aside and tosses her hair over one shoulder to point. "If you'll direct your people inside and tell them to follow the shinobi I have lined with holding signs of last names, we can get everyone situated in their new temporary homes by sundown."

I nod to the blonde woman and turn to speak to my people. I vaguely hear the short-haired woman near the Hokage (I believe her name is Shizune, but I'm not positive) tell my siblings to follow her, and bring the councilmen with them. I presume that she's going to take that group to the Hokage tower.

Meanwhile, I begin directing everyone, and while speaking to one of the few large clans of my village, I feel a tap on my shoulder.

I nearly jump out my robes, of 'course none of my surprise showing on my face. I whirl around to find Naruto and Sakura-san smiling at me. "Oi, Gaara! Long time no see!" Naruto greets, his finger rubbing the underside of his nose.

"Hi Gaara-sama," Sakura also greets. "Did everyone make it here okay? No problems?"

I shake my head in response to the question, although I'm not looking at the pinkette. Instead, my gaze can't seem to tear away from Naruto, who looks bubblier than usual. He almost seems nervous the way he's shifting his weight from foot to foot and not seeming to want to reach out to me. I'd prefer if he at least gave me another handshake to say hello; they aren't only limited to goodbyes.

"Well that's good!" Sakura says. "And here Tsunade-sama thought she might have to send her ANBU ops to escort you for half of the way."

"Psh," Naruto huffs, "Baa-chan should know better. Gaara knows what he's doing," he says almost to defend me. I don't quite see why; it's not like the Hokage did send anyone to us. We made it here just fine by ourselves. Naruto looks up, finally looking me in the eye. "So, now that everyone is getting relocated, do you want to see where you're staying? It's not much, but you've never been there, and I bet you have some things to set down, and…" Naruto drifts off, but I can tell he's being sincere about the offer.

"Yeah!" Sakura agrees. "Come on, Gaara-sama, you have to see Naruto's house. I helped him clean it, and it actually looks decent."

I take a fleeting look around me, but I discover that I'm no longer needed. Everything is under control from what I can see.

I follow the two in through the gates and down a few streets. The sun overhead feels cooler than what I'm used to, and there's less of a breeze since it's winter. But Konoha is relatively warm, perhaps around twenty degrees Celsius (which is exactly sixty-eight degrees Fahrenheit). We come to an apartment building, and soon Sakura and Naruto stop at a door somewhere near the middle-front. I stop too, and Naruto unlocks the door with a key from one of his pant pockets.

"Here we are, 'ttebayo!" the blonde says.

"Kuso…" Sakura mutters while Naruto flips on the light.

He turns to her after removing his shoes in the doorway. "Nani?"

"We forgot to go shopping, baka! I don't think Gaara-sama's going to want to eat nothing but ramen and milk and whatever other little things you have in here for a month." She shakes her head at him. "I can't believe I forgot," Sakura grumbles. She unleashes a loud sigh. "Here, you give him a tour while I do some grocery shopping."

"Oh… okay," Naruto says, and I see his cheeks flush in the tiniest bit, hardly noticeably, in the same manner when he had left Suna the last time I saw him. The second she's gone, he turns to me and smiles. I'm caught off-guard while removing my shoes. "Well, uh, there's not much to see, really… kitchen is right here, and the hallway is over there to your right… and at the end there's my bedroom and to the left before you get to the bedroom door, there's the bathroom. Which reminds me: I'll be sleeping on the floor in the kitchen while you're here. I've never really had a guest before, so I think it's only fair that you get my bed," he rambles.

I don't like the idea of kicking Naruto out of his own bed because of me. But with how stubborn he is, he won't accept it otherwise (like if I propose we trade off between the bed and kitchen), and sharing is clearly out of the question; the mere thought of such closeness makes goosebumps rise on my flesh and my stomach churn. I can't begin to figure out why.

The kitsune cocks his head. "Wait… you _do_ sleep now, right?"

Well… I can, and do for the most part, but not often. "You can have the bed the nights that I don't," I answer. There, that seemed fairer. Now I don't feel so bad about the sleeping arrangements.

He shrugs. "If you say so." He raises a finger, as if scolding me, but there's a grin on his lips. "But you better not do that too much, y'hear? You need your sleep, dattebayo! Plus, I'd feel guilty…"

"Doushite?" I ask. Why would he feel guilty if I didn't sleep? To be honest, I was planning on not sleeping too much because I didn't want to have one of my vivid nightmares. It would scare him, and I might thrash out at him if he tries to wake me from it. In addition, I don't want anyone – much less my blonde friend – to see me in such a weak state. I'm insecure with things like that.

"Er, well, 'cause then, I dunno… it'd make me feel like you weren't comfortable enough to sleep in my house. But, heh, that's stupid, isn't it? You wouldn't have accepted unless you felt comfortable enough! Forget I said anything," he mumbles, glancing to the side at the kitchen.

I blink at him, wondering where all that came from. But it counts for not because in that moment, Sakura returns. "I'm back!" she says as she closes the door behind her. Sakura removes her shoes and pads across the wood floor to the kitchen. "And I got the bare essentials, so you'll need to go shopping again." She sets the paper bags down on the table and turns to us. "Did you help him unpack yet?" she asks Naruto.

"Oops! No, I didn't!" he chuckles. He nods to his room. "Come on, Gaara, let's grab your stuff and put it where it goes."

I say not a word and pick up my things, which were cluttered near the door. I almost forgot that I had even set them down; I had insisted before we left that I carry my own belongings, as little as there were. I may be Kazekage, but I don't like being catered to. Not too long ago, I did everything for myself – fought for, lived for, and loved. Things are different now, but some things never change; my independence for cooking and carrying my own things being one of them.

Once in Naruto's room, I realize it doesn't look as lived-in or personalized as I thought it would be. His entire apartment in general was small and compact, and had basic decorations, but usually a bedroom held much more. I'm sure if he had left things messy, it would've looked more like I had pictured.

Instead, it was like this: there's a leaf symbol on a tapestry above his bed, a dresser, a small television in the corner, an end table, and quite a few plants (which I notice there were a couple in the kitchen, too). A notice a photograph sitting near the bed: it had the silver-haired sensei, Kakashi, the grouchy Uchiha, Sakura-san, and Naruto himself as twelve-year olds, the way I knew them from the chunnin exams, although Sasuke wore a different outfit than the one I fought with him in.

Following my eyes, Naruto's own blues land on the picture. "Oh, yeah." he says with a tone I don't recognize. He wanders to the photo and holds it up. After a moment, he lays the frame facedown.

I frown. What made him do that?

Before I can ask, he answers my thoughts. "I'm furious with Sasuke," Naruto practically growls. His voice softens with his next words, but that initial tone will be forever etched into my memory. "I saw him again recently, and heard some things that sickened me. When I saw him, he tried to kill me, saying that his bond with me is already severed. And then, not too long ago, he killed Orochimaru, the very person he left Konoha for. Even worse, I heard that he killed his brother. But according to Tsunade-baachan, Itachi had been doing his village a favor by killing his family; they had been breeding Uchihas to make some sort of super race or something. It's twisted, and I don't even understand it completely. And then, some people important to us died… like Asuma-sensei, and…" he chokes on his words, and I automatically take a step forward out of worry. I sure missed a lot of things. Maybe it's been more than the six months I guessed.

Naruto turns so he's not facing me. In the kitchen, I hear pots and pans being placed here and there, and I wonder if Sakura's starting a meal. My main focus, however, is on Naruto. He's quaking; I can see his hands limp and trembling at his sides, and he appears to be trying to hold something back.

He speaks again, his voice thick: "Did you know that Jiraiya was my godfather? And that the Yondaime Hokage was my father? I didn't, not this whole time. It was a bit of a shock." I hear a sad smile come to Naruto's voice, and he moves a hand to his face; probably to wipe his tears.

I take another timid step towards him. "Is he dead?" I ask. I don't even need to specify a name; the kitsune catches my meaning. He always knows how to do that somehow.

Naruto faces me again, his eyes raw. "H-hai," he mutters. "But it's alright." He wipes at his eyes again, although no tears are visible. "Sorry 'bout that. I've been trying not to think about it, but I guess talking about recent events triggered me." He clears his throat, and I notice his Adam's apple bob in his throat for a moment. Naruto sniffs at the air, and changes the subject. "What's Sakura-chan cooking?"

The blonde exits the room, purposely so I can follow him. We didn't even unpack my things like we intended to, but I don't mind. It's strangely consoling to me to have seen Naruto act like he just had. I rarely see people cry, and I myself haven't cried since I was a child, so it's… intriguing. I had been on the brink of coming close enough to him to touch those tears. In a sense, I forget what they feel like. All I remember is a bothersome feeling on my cheeks and warmth running down in thin trails. But I remember vividly the taste; salt. A bit grainy, too, because of the sand residue on my skin.

We find Sakura in the kitchen, and I smell fish; a rare thing for us to eat in Suna due to lack of water. Personally, I wish I could eat fish more often… especially sushi. "Hey you two," she says with a smile. "Since Naruto's incapable of cooking without burning or leaving things practically poisonous, I'll be your chef this evening," she giggles. She looks to us, and her facial expression sinks. "Naruto…? Are you okay? Your eyes are red." Suddenly, she takes back her words. "I mean, pink. They're pink." I notice her shivering. It takes me a long moment to understand why red eyes isn't a good thing to say: Naruto's Kyuubi cloak. I've seen it for myself; he gets pumped so full of flaming chakra that his cerulean blues turn blood red, darker in their depths than my own hair. According to what I was told, that eye trick happened a lot while they were looking for me. Apparently, Naruto had been quite angry with the Akatsuki. I have yet to comprehend why he sacrificed so much over me, and I wish I could've seen it. Maybe then I could grasp the meaning of it…

"And I was hoping you wouldn't notice, Sakura-chan," he whines. He slumps into one of the chairs at the table. With a sigh, Naruto explains to her, "Jiraiya got brought up."

Immediately a look of understanding crosses her face. "Oh," she whispers.

The pinkette returns to her cooking and remains silent for a long while. I glance between them, and the gloomy aura bothers me. Normally it wouldn't; normally, I'd also sit in silence. But the fact that Naruto wasn't doing his usual rambling to fill this silence is unfitting and wrong, and I don't like it. So, I open my mouth, lick my lips, and say slowly, "What are you preparing, Sakura-san?"

She looks at me a moment. "Um, nothing much; just fish with stir-fried vegetables."

Naruto blanches. "I hate veggies."

"You eat them when they're in ramen!" the medical nin snaps.

"Yeah, because then they taste like ramen! But any other way and they taste horrible."

I relax. Things are back to normal, and so soon, too. Thank goodness. Ironic how these people aren't even that close to me (Naruto more than Sakura, but still not that close since we hardly see one another), and yet I can't stand to see them unhappy.

"Sometimes I swear, Naruto, I wonder how you stay healthy! You should have scurvy or some other nasty sickness, since you never eat properly," Sakura grumbles while stirring the veggies in the pan below.

Naruto shrugs and leans back in his chair, his hands behind his head. "I guess I'm just lucky."

I could think of a better reason than that: the Kyuubi. That must be it; the demon fox must heal Naruto often and keep him in good health. It's the only thing I can think of that makes sense.

"What_ever_," Sakura replies with a roll of her green seaglass-colored eyes. A few minutes pass, and she turns off the stove. "It's ready," she says. Sakura places three plates down and Naruto gets out three glasses of milk. And after a short prayer, we eat.

Inwardly, I punch myself. In this little moment, I realize something: living like this… living simply, and not alone (or as alone as I might get with my siblings sometimes, although that's partially my own fault)… it could get quite addicting. And I'm already attached.

That's not a good sign.


	4. Your Own Interpretation

_And I'm sure he'll help me…  
__Help me feel.  
__Help me experience the things I've been deprived.  
__Help me find the meaning behind what I don't understand.  
__Help me **live.**_

* * *

It wasn't long before a week came and gone. I'm surprised; it's as if staying with Naruto is natural and routine. As if this entire threat to our home village is a bad dream, and that this is the reality. I can see it not only in my own situation, but a few other peoples' as well: smiling faces, mingling between the oh-so-different cultures, and laughter.

Over the course of this first week, Naruto has done a lot for me. He cleared out half the drawers in his dresser for my clothes, let me sleep in on the mornings I went to bed late (I was absorbed in a book; I found that when I was alone and bored most nights during my insomniac years, reading became my new hobby, and I still enjoy it), and when he could – which was usually after some training – the blonde would sit and talk with me.

I think, out of the things here in Konoha, I like that best. I never say much during our conversations, but Naruto always has a story to tell. Many of them involve from what I can tell are fatherly figures to him, like Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei and Jiraiya. The latter being stories from the nearly three-year-long time span when he was absent from Konoha with the legendary Sannin on a rigorous training session all over the adjoining countries. I was very curious about those; I haven't visited much of anywhere besides between here and my homeland, and where ever I was dragged to by the Akatsuki.

I shudder at the final destination. I would hate to go there again… to me, that location signifies death. And somehow, I keep thinking about it; surely it's a giant step for a human being, having died and been brought back, but I should stop dwelling on it. To me, this right here – Uzumaki Naruto and the harmonious aura of his village – that signifies life. I should focus solely on that.

Tonight, Naruto comes home sweating and flushed in the face. Somehow, the image of his golden locks damp from perspiration and his cheeks pink make my heart speed up in the slightest and a shiver run down my spine.

He smiles wearily at me when he enters his bedroom for a change of clothes. "I'll be in the shower, but when I get out, we can talk, okay?"

I nod and set aside what I had been looking over. I sit with my legs crossed, listening to the water running in the room behind my back as I wait for him. Part of the routine I mentioned included the little chat we were about to have; every day this past week, Naruto would ask me what I did that day and then he'd tell me what he did. Sometimes we'd breeze over other topics, and sometimes he'd be too tired to say much more and would go to bed.

I learned that Naruto is currently resuming some training with Kakashi and a man named Yamato that had been interrupted not too long ago. The training was simple: improve on jutsus related to his element, which he told me is wind. My own is earth, more specifically the sand, which is harder to control nowadays, but I manage.

Naruto takes shorts showers. In minutes, he's back in his room with a towel on his head and a t-shirt with boxer shorts on. He carelessly tosses the towel into a hamper in the corner and smiles. "So… how'd today go for you?"

I lean back the tiniest bit and shrug. "Smoothly. Hokage Tsunade-sama and I held a small meeting."

"What happened in it?"

"We decided tomorrow would be our first test. A group of two will venture to the desert and see if the storm as hit yet, and then report back." I explain. Naruto looks interested and comes to sit beside me on the bed. I feel the mattress sink with the new weight, and my skin tingles with an electrical current of some kind as his hand brushes mine on accident. I pull away instantly, my body moving to the far end of the bed faster than I could think.

Naruto blinks at me. "Gomen," he mutters. I hear confusion in the back of his tone and see it reflected in his eyes. But I can't explain my suddenly jerking action. Perhaps it was static electricity that did it…

I shake my head. "Anyhow," I murmur, "What about your training?"

"Oh, right…" the blonde says while pulling his legs up onto the bed. "Well, I made some real progress today; like Asuma-sensei, I can now cut a tree open with a sharp blade of chakra! It's a small tree and not the giant one he demonstrated all those months ago, but I'm really getting the hang of it. It's a huge improvement compared to the leaves I practiced on the first time around."

He told me about that. I'm quite impressed; not many people are of the wind element, and if they are, I doubt they could learn such advanced jutsus at such an early age, and at merely genin level… although, in my opinion, Naruto deserved the title of chunnin, and could definitely have the potential to one day become the 'Kage status he dreams of.

"That's wonderful," I reply, my voice revealing none of the approving emotion I hold. I probably shouldn't do that; he might think I'm being insincere. For Naruto's sake, I should probably start revealing my emotions if at least in my tone. But it's difficult; as much as a trust him (with my own life; for obvious reasons), I can't seem to break the habit of keeping a level of indifference at all times. I should practice using more emotion now that my duties are minimal.

I _should_ do all these things… but I don't know if I can.

Naruto adjusts his position and leans against his headboard, his hair spreading across the tapestry hanging on the wall. "Oi, Gaara… do you ever have nightmares about your demon?"

That's random. But knowing Naruto, it's not; it's most likely something he's wanted to ask for a while, or something related to his train of thought. Slowly, I answer with: "Hai. I have multiple times. Doushite?"

"Because," Naruto mutters wearily, "Last night I had one. I have plenty of nightmares; some of being utterly alone, some of Kyuubi like last night's, and some that are silly like forgetting to wear pants. But I was wondering… do all Jinchuuriki fear their demons? Do all of them have nightmares? I mean, I know Shukaku is gone, but I was thinking you might have nightmares of him anyway now that you're able to sleep."

I had been correct; it is something he's been meaning to ask for a while. I clear my throat. "I didn't hear you cry out. I would've woken you if I'd known," I murmur.

"Nah, it's fine. It wasn't too bad of one, or else I probably would've made some kind of noise. But I usually can wake myself." He sighs and leans forward, his elbows on his thighs. Idly, the kitsune traces a pattern on his sheets with a finger. "So… what are yours about?"

"You first," I say. I want to hear what his demon brings to his dreams. My own are… gruesome. I'm hoping his aren't as much.

He blows air out his mouth, nearly whistling. "It's not pretty, 'ttebayo," he says with a crooked smile that doesn't reach his eyes. The truth without the humor. Naruto sits up straight once more. Then, he dives into the dream without any sort of transition. "It starts off like any other dream; charcoal grey, senseless, fuzzy on the edges. I hear echoes of water dripping into water. Slowly, I see pipes. And water at my feet. But I feel nothing, no wetness, no coolness or warmth, _nothing._ Suddenly, a light blinds me, and the light is red. It flashes across my vision and I panic. I begin running with no real destination. I feel weightless, and the run is effortless, but I also feel naked; not of clothes, of 'course, 'cause I'm wearing the same thing I always wear, but I mean naked of protection. Of weaponry. Of just about anything that can same me from the source of that flashing red. And then… I meet him. Kyuubi. He springs in front of my face and stares at me. His eyes are red, his fur russet orange, and his nine tails whip around me. And because of what I found out, in the recent nightmares of this reoccurring one I see my father. He stands tall and comes between me and Kyuubi, and before I can do anything to help him, he gets slain and Kyuubi flies to me – or maybe he jumps? – and dives into my body. I choke and sputter and catch on fire, the flames consuming me. I feel cold, though, as if the fire is so hot it freezes. And that's when I collapse to the ground and begin sweating blood." I see him shudder, and watch as his arms wrap around himself. "I think… I think the sweating blood thing is from when I went into a four-tailed rage. You haven't seen it, but I can get more than one tail on my cloak of red chakra. It's pretty scary… I never feel like myself. Things just happen in sequence, and I follow my raw animalistic instincts and want only to kill. Did you feel like that when I met you at the chunnin exams? Did you only follow that strange bloodlust?"

I'm a bit shocked by the questions he throws at me, but I answer them without thinking twice. "Hai," I admit in a noticeably smaller voice, "In retrospect, I was following whatever murderous desire Shukaku asked of me. In a way, I thought it was helping me feel like I was alive… but really, I was feeding Shukaku and helping him feel instead."

Naruto nods. I'm positive that he's storing this information for future reference. "What about your nightmares?" he wants to know.

I swallow. Which one should I tell? I have so many…

In the end, I decide on the ones that hurt me most, the ones that cause me to wake up sweating. Once, after a nightmare of the same type, I woke up with scratch marks on my arms. It took me a minute to realize my own nails were bloody and that I had done it myself. After that incident, I made sure my nails were constantly cut down to nubs and smoothed.

"Anou…" I begin with a low voice, "One I have often is when I'm a child. I didn't always have this scar," I inform, touching the 'ai' on my left brow lightly. "And it's that time that I see my body as. And as a child, I'm wandering the desert alone during a storm. In the distance, I see a woman in a maroon cloak holding something in her arms. As I come closer, I see it's a baby swathed in the same fabric. She's his mother, I know, but as I look closer, it's _my_ mother. She smiles sweetly at me and lowers the baby for me to see. But when I look at it, it's a miniature Shukaku. He grins evilly at me and leaps from her arms to consume me. And then I'm somewhere dark and damp, and I think the bakemono had eaten me when I see a light ahead. I follow it, and still as a child I see my dead teenaged body lying on what I assume is the ground, although it's as white as the space around me. I touch my older face with a childish hand and begin crying. And I don't know why I'm crying, because I don't feel sorry for myself; iiya, I feel sorry for my siblings instead. I feel like I'm hurting them for being what I was – a carrier of a Bijuu and a heartless person – and then abandoning them by dying. And that's when I watch as my mother comes into the room, the baby Shukaku in her hands, and she sets him down. He crawls over to me and points at my dead body and my mother. She's kissing my forehead on my mark and steadily crumbling to sand. It washes over my dead body and them grows to begin choking me, slowly pouring the blood from my body and washing everything with red. All the while, Shukaku is grinning darkly and laughing."

I never want to have to repeat that. Nor say so many words in one sitting; already my throat felt dry and sore from overuse. Both of our dreams, I notice, carry guilt throughout them. And both show what we regret losing: our parents. My mother, his father… things we never had. We have substitutes, like Temari and Iruka, but nothing quite compares to having your birthparent to raise you.

"Kami, Gaara…" the blonde says in bewilderment, his hand running through his hair. "It's a wonder you don't wake up screaming."

I'm not about to tell him that I do. I never make a sound, but I do wake up to an aching, open jaw and deflated lungs, as if I had screamed all my breath out. I don't think my vocal cords are capable of screaming any longer, so it seems I scream in silence. How depressing.

"Ne, Gaara, do you know what my nightmare could mean?"

"It's simple: you fear the power Kyuubi gives you, are saddened by your father's cause of death, and have an eerie sense of never being completely solitary because of the creature you have sealed within you," I tell him. Naruto accepts this with a nod. "And mine? What do you think?" I'm genuinely curious about what he thinks of my gruesome tale.

"Hmm…" he ponders, his index finger tapping his sun-kissed chin. "I'd say it shows how much you feared Shukaku and death, and how much you miss your mother and regret never meeting her, and how sad she'd be if she had been alive long enough to see your death. And it almost shows betrayal… like, when her body became the very sand you used to kill with, and yet it was killing you."

I'm thoroughly shocked that he came to those conclusions since those are nearly the exact ones I thought of. Plus, Naruto's not known to be especially intelligent, especially not in the common sense department, yet it seems he can interpret dreams well.

He smiles suddenly, a bright one that lights up his eyes. "You know, I'm glad we talked about this. I feel better now, and I also think I got something special from you: a little speech and something personal I bet you don't share with anyone else. Arigato," Naruto thanks with a curt bow of the head.

I blink once or twice. Then I break eye contact and nod. I can hear him smiling wider (if such a thing is possible) as he says, "It's getting late, we should sleep. Good night, Gaara!" And he exits the room, shutting the door behind him.

I stare at his place of exit for who knows how long. Soon, I'm slipping into the covers and shutting my eyes.

I know I won't sleep a wink.


	5. Sumi e

**A/N: FLUFF ALERT. In the beginning, anyhow.**

* * *

_The only thing left to do is to wait and see when such a thing can transpire.  
I pray it's within the limited time I have to stay here._

* * *

I was mistaken; I must have fallen asleep, for when I wake up I'm sweating all over, but it feels chill and clammy. It takes my hazy brain a moment to realize what had woken me, and as I feel he small spot of warmth on my shoulder and the presence of another body seated on the edge of the bed, I feel my stomach turn.

"Naruto…?" I question with a raspy voice.

"I thought I woke you; you stopped moving as soon as I touched you. Daijoubu?"

Am I okay? No, not in the least. That nightmare I just had… it still has me shaking. I sit up slowly. "Naruto… do you ever dream of your precious people being killed by your own hands because your demon took you over?" I want to know.

In the dull moonlight I can see his face contort. "Do I…?" He pauses to swallow hard. "Yeah, I do, all the time. Because I've hurt them before – namely Sakura – when I was in such a state. The scary part is? When I hurt her, I didn't remember when I was myself again. And even worse, Kyuubi's chakra had poisoned her when it entered her body from my claws. So sometimes, yeah, I do dream that I kill them. And when I wake up, I can't help but cry." He shakes his head and dares to move the hand on my shoulder down to my fist. He encircles his fingers around it and I loosen my grip, and I can feel the half-moons my nails left in my palm. He slips his hand into mine, and my stomach turns again, and something warm creeps onto my ears and cheeks. "But it's fine now. Your dream wasn't real, and neither were any of mine. We'll never kill the people we care about… especially not you, since your demon is gone!" the blonde reminds me.

I exhale slowly, and he gives my hand a squeeze before releasing it. Then he exits the room, most likely to give me some privacy and time to recuperate. Frankly, I didn't want him to leave, but I can't stop him; I don't want to sound desperate, and I think that small gesture of kindness – briefly holding my hand – is enough.

You see, my nightmare had been about _him_. I was taken over by Shukaku at the chunnin exams, and Naruto was fighting me again. Only we were our current ages, and he was crying. He didn't want to fight me. And I didn't want to fight him… but my body kept moving and reacting on it's own. I yelled at the top of my lungs for it to stop, cursing it and trying to ignore the heavy laughter emitting from Shukaku. 'It's no use, _mai hitotsu chicchai_,' he chuckled, calling me his "little one" to mock me and attempt to frighten me. I would have spat on him in defiance if I could. 'I have you now, and soon, I'll finally have defeated the great nine-tailed fox.'

Naruto had luckily ended my nightmare before I saw him die. But with my own hands, I had wounded him badly enough to have killed him; no healing of Kyuubi's chakra could cure what I had done in that dream. I feel sick thinking about it. I would never want anything to happen to Naruto; not when he's become whatever it is he is to me.

- - -

The morning came without me, which doesn't happen very often. I hear Naruto still snoring, which tells me the sun hasn't been up for too long. Usually I watch the sun rise out of habit and fascination, since every sunrise is unique. But today I missed it.

I come out of the bedroom and peer down the hall. From my angle, I can see Naruto's feet poking from beneath his blankets on his makeshift bed on the kitchen floor. I silently gather my clothes and go into the bathroom to wash, feeling eerily in need of a shower after such a sweaty, restless sleep.

I turn the water as hot as it will go and burn off the lingering shudders from my nightmare and try to take comfort in the highlight of my night: when Naruto had stirred me from my slumber. I have him to thank that I didn't start crying in my sleep. That would have been quite humiliating.

Grabbing he towel and dabbing my body dry, I hear movement coming from the bedroom, and I assume Naruto is awake. I wonder if he's going to leave to train with his sensei soon.

"Ohayougozaimasu, Gaara," Naruto greets as I enter the room. He seems wide awake; did he not sleep? I swear I heard him snoring, and I know it takes him a while to get adjusted in the mornings…

"Ohayou," I return curtly. I set my things down on the bed and look at what he's holding. It's the paper I had been going through last night before our talk.

"I didn't know you did Sumi-e paintings," he murmurs.

"There's a lot of things no one knows I do," I say lightly. "And those ink drawings are one of them. My siblings don't even know."

"Why'd you bring them with you?" he asks, studying with his hands the shape of a panda eating bamboo.

"They were hanging on my bedroom walls," I explain. "Storms can get violent; I have a gut feeling that this one will break windows and bring the storm into our houses, and because of this I didn't want my paintings ruined. To be honest, it's one of the few things I've done in my life that I'm proud of."

"Well, you should be, dattebayo! You're really good at it. Sai would be jealous." And he snickers as if the thought of the artistic ANBU member getting envious of me is extremely amusing.

The kitsune continues shuffling through my insomniac-inspired art as I comb out my hair; it gets awfully tangled if I don't blow-dry it. And since I didn't, it's waving oddly.

"Ne, Gaara… what's this one? It looks like me."

I feel that odd warmth on my ears and cheeks again and I turn to look at the ink painting he's referring to. My doubts come alive when I see he stumbled across the kitsune boy I drew once.

Mind you, I had been very weary (it was one of those nights when I hadn't meditated in a while and was growing sleepy) and needed something to keep me awake. So, with no real inspiration from nature I turned to my head and thought of anything. I had been fourteen at the time, a little over a year since the last time I saw Naruto when we had to save my pupil, Matsuri. And during that night remembered that small adventure and decided I'd draw him… I made a faceless figure with a flame-decorated yukata on and six horizontal whiskers, three on each side of the blank face. I then drew a pair of elongated ears and nine twitching tails behind the figure. The boy wasn't standing nor sitting; he was in a crouch, as if about to attack. But the blank face – lacking eyes, nose, brows and mouth – showed no emotion or intention of killing. It was a confusing piece and done hastily, so there wasn't as much value between the inks or stress in the marks. I'm surprised Naruto recognized it as himself.

I glance back at the window while combing my hair to avoid his playful blue orbs. I shrug in riposte. "I don't remember what I was doing when I made that piece. It could be you; who knows?"

I hear the largest grin in his voice when he says, "I think it _is_ me." He pauses, as if debating about something. "…Can I keep it?"

I cast my gaze back at him. Is he serious?

He studies the expression I must have on my face and laughs. "Yeah, I'm serious. It's really cool, and I like it. So can I? Have it, I mean."

I never once showed anyone my art let alone had someone ask to keep a piece of it. But it wouldn't hurt if he did take possession of it. I begin exiting the room, waving one hand. "I don't care."

He takes that as a 'yes' and cheers. "Yatta! Now, where can I hang it…?" I hear him asking himself. I shake my head at Naruto while in the kitchen and begin boiling water in the tea kettle for coffee. I have to see off the scouts we're sending to Sunagakure (or close enough to it) today.

Naruto enters the kitchen halfway through my task. "I ended up hanging it on the wall where the sunlight can't hit it easily. It makes it appear dark and mysterious," he chuckles in a semi-wistful tone. I ignore the remark and continue preparing my beverage. I hear Naruto sit down at the table behind me. "So, what other little secret hobbies do you have?"

I stall a moment to run the water, seemingly washing my hands. I only have two others, really: I write poetry on occasion, mostly simple haikus, and when I feel like it I sing to myself. They all seem so out of place compared to how heartless I was for so many years, but I suppose that makes me all the more complex to people who don't know me well.

I decide to tell him. When I do, he looks extremely interested and stares at me with wide eyes. "Nesupa? What do you write about? And oh! That reminds me! They have karaoke on Fridays at this bar a friend of mine owns, and –"

"Naruto," I say shortly and send him a stern glance. "Not first thing in the morning. And I refuse to sing in front of others, if that's what you're implying."

He pouts. "But it would be fun, 'ttebayo…"

I shake my head. "Not for me."

"But I'll sing with you so you're not alone! What d'ya say then?"

"I still say no."

The blonde crosses his arms and sticks his tongue in his cheek. "Fine."

Not giving into his act, I finish making my coffee and slug it down while he makes himself cup ramen from the leftover boiled water in the kettle (which I made sure there was enough of; I'm a considerate guest while staying with him). Relatively soon we part ways, him heading towards the training grounds and I pace towards the Hokage mansion.

I'm not required to do much more than direct the men in what to do and where to go. As I'm about to see them off, Rock Lee appears with Tsunade-sama and smiles. "Hello, Gaara-kun!" he greets.

"Yes, hello," the Hokage smirks.

I look between them, nonverbally asking what they're doing.

"I've decided to send one of my own with your men, and Lee volunteered," she tells me. I nod once, not caring. If he wants to escort my men, I don't mind it. They could use a good taijutsu user like him if they run into any enemies.

"Yosh! I'm prepared to carry out my best and report back within a few days!" Lee says with gusto. "You can both count on me, good 'Kage-samas!"

"We don't doubt you, Lee," Tsunade smiles. As he bows to us and jogs to catch up with my shinobi, Tsunade asks, "Would you like to come back with me, Gaara-san? There's something I want to ask you."

I follow her, a way of agreeing. I doubt I could refuse her if I wanted to.

She leads me to her office and takes out a bottle of sake, pouring herself a small glass. She holds it up, as if offering some, but then chuckles when I vigorously shake my head. She knows I'm underaged and would rather not, but she thinks it's funny to offer my some anyway.

Tsunade-sama slams the nearly clear liquid down her throat and sets it aside. "Now then," she starts, "About that question…" She grins at me wholeheartedly, her amber eyes gentle. "Are you comfortable with things here?"

I stare at her a moment. "What do you mean?"

The blonde woman waves a hand, which in turns moves to tighten one of her pigtails. "I mean, is everything working out? Naruto's not being an annoying brat, is he? And your siblings are handling things, and your people are adapting?"

I mull that for a moment. I respond with: "As far as I can see, yes."

"So you and your people are comfortable here? To be honest, I was a bit worried; I was thinking to myself, 'Kami, Tsunade, what have you done this time? Konoha has never sheltered an entire other village in it's walls in the past. Can this even be done?' – But I guess I was worried over nothing. Although…" She gives a knowing smile. "I'm especially interested in how you and Naruto are getting along in your situation. You're _people_ who are poles apart."

I notice the way she says 'people'; she drowns it out, emphasizing it, reminding me that we're human, just as human as everyone else, and that she acknowledges that fact and appreciates it if I acknowledge it, too. Even now, I catch myself not referring to myself as human or a person. Old, demented habits die hard.

"We are different," I tell her, "But not so."

She nods, utterly understanding. I think the sake kicked in somewhat, because her eyelids seem lower. Tsunade-sama raises a hand. "Well, I should let you go, now. But I had to make sure."

I blink, as if shrugging it off. As I leave, she calls out to me.

"Oh, and Gaara-kun… I hope he's not chatting your ear off all the time." She's chuckling to herself.

"No," I say, "Because I'm not letting him."

She laughs harder, and I hear it echo as I walk down the hallway. When I step foot outside, the sun is blinding, and distantly I wonder if I should go watch Naruto train since I have yet to.

Letting my feet carry me where they will, I end up in the field Naruto practices at. I see Sakura sparring with him, and a blade of chakra in front of his knuckles. He's attacking her, trying to slash at the body armor she's wearing. "Good, good…" I hear her cheer him on.

"Gaara!" Naruto calls out in a surprised yet delighted tone when he spies me coming in his direction. He falters in his footing and promptly lands on his rear, which gives Sakura the opportunity to pin him. The kitsune simply smiles.

"Naruto no baka, you can't fall for every distraction you see! If I were an enemy and not your sparring partner, I could've just killed you." Sakura scolds.

"Meh, sorry, but I didn't expect it," he replies sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

From this distance, I can tell by the way she rolls her head back that she's rolling her eyes. She tosses aside the protective padding and lends a hand to help Naruto stand. He immediately trots over to me with a grin on his face.

"Oi, what're you doing here?"

I could ask myself the same question.

"It doesn't matter," Naruto shrugs. "Want to train with us? I bet you could practice some taijutsu or something," he offers. The last statement isn't meant to offend me, even if it sounds that way in the tone he uses. It's a manner of being logical. Plus, he's hinting at my current vulnerability without my demon.

I nod my head and toss off some of my heavy robes to allow more movement. I'm wearing my battle-ready clothing underneath minus the vest and cloak.

"Jeez, Gaara, it's a wonder you don't burn up with that many clothes on!" he says. "And you know, you don't have to wear your Kazekage uniform here… this isn't your village."

To him, that probably seems logical, but I'm required to wear it practically every place I go to show pride in my village and proclaim my title. If I was allowed to, I'd take his advice and never wear them, though. The fabric is nice but much too thin for my liking. I like heavier clothing, because it makes me feel more protected, and replaces the sand armor I used to have.

Sakura cocks her head at me a moment. I don't appreciate her scrutinizing gaze, and I tilt my chin up at her to challenge her. Sakura shakes her head and looks away, not wanting to pick a fight. To herself, I catch her muttering something similar to, "It's not my fault I notice when a guy looks nice in something he's wearing". I'm not sure if that's what she said or not, but that's how I perceive it as, and suddenly I'm self-conscious in the same fashion Naruto acts at times. I glance down at myself.

Naruto chuckles heartily beside me, and I look over at him. "What's the matter?" he asks with a fox-like grin. "You should be glad when a girl stares at you like that. It's a compliment."

Part of me wants to say, 'I'd rather not have a girl look at me like that', but I hold my tongue. Instead, I pick up the discarded gear and hold it up, silently asking if I should put it on.

The blonde looks unsure. He turns to Kakashi. "Should Gaara wear the pads, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I don't think he'll need them," the silver-haired man replies around a book in his hands. Most likely one of the risqué novels written by Naruto's former godfather.

"Okay," Naruto says. He turns back to me. "You can set them over there, Gaara. If Kakashi-sensei says you won't need them, I believe him. You might want some kunai, though." He hands me a three.

I take the knives and set the padding aside. I then line myself up with the blonde from across the field. I clench one kunai tightly and bend over, waiting.

"Ready?" Naruto called across the grounds.

I nod, and at first I think he doesn't see the movement. I'm about to verbally say that I was ready when I'm struck flat on my back.

And that's when I apprehend the situation and think: _this is wrong._

* * *

**A/N: I bet you're all sitting there wondering, "WHAT'S 'wrong', Gaara? WHAT?!" but I ain't telling you until the next chapter, mwahaha! Which should be out in another month.**

**Nah, I'm just kidding; the next chapter should be out later tonight, actually. Yup, two updates in one day; because 2,000-to-3,000 word chapters are easy to make after all the 4,000-to-8,000 word chapters I made for DB. (dies)**

**Thanks for twelve reviews after only a day of posting! That makes me so excited for this mini-ficlet!**


	6. Sunsets Mean The Future

**A/N: Hmm. What was the plot for this fic again? I hardly recall. I think it's simply FLUFF CENTRAL. :0**

* * *

_Yet, I wonder… Is it meant to be?  
__Like a jigsaw puzzle, sometimes the shapes look like they'll match,  
only when you go to piece them together,  
they don't fit.  
Or maybe one piece fits, and the other doesn't. _

* * *

My brain spends a full minute calculating what had happened. Slowly, data comes filtering through the haze and initial thought of _this is wrong_.

The data is this: Naruto, like Lee and Sasuke, is very fast. In fact, he's gotten a lot faster than I remember. Like the wind. And when he headed for me at that new speed, I hesitated for some unknown reason and dropped my kunai. An opening was formed and he took it to pin me to the ground much as Sakura had done to him moments prior.

Now, why do I find this 'wrong'? Could it be that I think I am weak or defenseless? No. Could it be that I wasn't prepared? No. Then why?

My brain spends another minute trying figuring out that one. Yet I don't get that minute; Naruto starts talking, and automatically I open my ears to listen.

"Oops, too fast, huh? I caught you off guard. Here, let's start over," Naruto says kindly and maneuvers around me. I close my eyes for a moment, that heat on my face more than ever. Naruto stares down at me, his hand outstretched to help. "Oi, daijoubu?" he asks. "Your face looks flushed. Maybe you're sick and we shouldn't be sparring…"

My face is flushing…? Is that what this heat is? I've never experienced such a thing. I pull myself up, ignoring his offered hand, and steadily begin to understand why that felt so _wrong_.

It's physical contact.

I was being touched, forced to the ground, and hovered over. Closeness I'm not used to, since most attacks I've had were either blocked by sand or brief and painful, like a punch to the face. But this one… this one was slowed, full of contact, and strange. The placement of our bodies… it makes my mind freeze and warning bells sound in alarm. It's almost unwanted, yet at the same time, is craved, despite the source.

If I were a greedy person, I would have not let Naruto remove his weight, or I would have asked for him to try that again.

But I'm not a greedy person. And I fear why I would want to do such a thing. I also fear why I would crave such hard contact, despite the panic that rises in my chest that screams, 'this is an attack! Get out while you can!'

The fact that it's Naruto who did it, though, changes things. It makes a small part of me remember that this is not meant to harm, that he's my friend and not my foe, and that of all people, I don't need to label any touch of his to me as 'unwanted'. Since so many in the past have been of assistance. Like this head butt; it startled me from so many things when it jarred my brain. And the grip on my shoulder that brought me back from the land of the dead and saved me from my nightmare last night.

What I don't understand, however, is why all these things are rising to my mind this very second. And what triggered these thoughts? Then my feelings… why am I suddenly pumping with an electrical current made of pure adrenaline.

Nearly my entire body is stressing that I should **run**. Leave. Escape. And for Kami's sake,_ flee!_

But I'm rooted to the spot and I find my mouth forming one word. "Again."

Naruto grins widely. "Then pick up your kunai and get into position," he says playfully.

I don't need to be told twice. I lift the metal from the ground, silently wondering what the hell I'm doing. I would have walked away any other day; what's holding me back? I already said this is wrong! What if he touches me again like that? What will I do?

I pray I won't get 'greedy', that's what.

"Ready?" he parrots from before.

"I've been ready, Uzumaki," I retort, a smirk in my voice.

He flashes another grin and charges the meters of distance between us.

This time, I truly am ready. I dodge his first attack with his blade of chakra, which I notice extends like a sharp breeze of wind when he moves side to side. I'll have to be careful of that.

I twist my body and strike with the blunt end of the kunai, which clashes with his razor-sharp chakra. "You're better at taijutsu," he remarks through his teeth as he tries to match my force. Force, not strength; he's much stronger than I am.

"I've had time to practice."

He smiles and backs off. "Let's see if you can block this…" and he summersaults, landing right behind me, and he reaches to pin my arm behind my back. I cut something I can't see with a second kunai I had hastily hid into my sleeve. I hear a grunt and my heart drops. Did I hurt him? This is supposed to be sparring, not an actual battle. But it seems I didn't, for I feel no sticky warm liquid. Instead, I hear the kunai drop to the ground as a blade grazes my throat. I instinctively lift my chin as high in the air as it will go.

"Nicely done, Naruto," Kakashi praises. "Using your wind jutsu to capture his kunai and tossing it aside with your chakra, in the same way a tornado grabs and tosses things. And then you trapped him."

In my ear, Naruto pants slightly from using such a vast amount of his chakra. He loosens his grip on my arm (although he's still touching it, and I miraculously don't resist it in the least) and releases the blade so his fist is empty near my throat. Somehow, with him standing so close behind me, I flush once more. Tingles run up my arm from his hand.

I'm once again frozen, and as my mind screams at me to leap out of his grasp like I would with anyone else, my body has a tugging urge to feel more contact, perhaps something softer at my exposed throat…

Naruto moves away from me and sits down on the ground before falling backwards onto the grass. "Phew! I'm wiped. That was harder than I thought," he mumbles.

Still a bit shaken, I move my feet clumsily and walk over to my 'kage robes, which lay next to Sakura-san. She had folded them for me while I was sparring.

Seeing what I've come for, she holds up my clothes. "Good work out there," she comments politely.

I grunt agitatedly as if to say, 'tch, yeah right'. The phrase itself sounds like something Naruto would say.

I take the clothes with a whispered, 'arigato'. Then I drape the fabric over my arm and begin to leave. _Finally,_ my brain is expressing. My body seems to be moving slowly.

"Oi, Gaara, wait up! Let me catch my breath, then we can walk home together, dattebayo!" I hear him call from the ground. I look at him and swallow, wondering what's wrong with me. We're sparring one minute and the next I'm thinking weird things. It would be best if I leave without him, but the emotion in his eyes shows that he wouldn't like it if I did that. So I linger near Sakura-san and Kakashi-sensei.

"Anou, Gaara-sama…" Sakura murmurs. I cast my gaze to her and she smiles. "What do you think? He's doing great, isn't he? It's like he's a whole new person during battle…"

I nod in agreement.

Her smile fades. "But you know, I wonder sometimes what it's doing to his body. If you noticed, we have Yamato-taichou here."

I nod again, because I had noticed.

"Well, he's here because if Naruto runs out of his own chakra, he'll start using Kyuubi's, and then disaster could hit, get what I mean? Or he could hurt himself, which is why I'm here; I'm not some sparring partner. He could spar with anybody. But I have to be here to keep him safe. It's weird the precautions we have to take for him…" Sakura-san looks genuinely concerned, and I feel it with her. Even my stoic face reveals some of my concern, and I know she sees it because her eyes brighten and her brows soften. "Make sure there are no post-training effects, will you? I have some things to attend to, so I can't come home with you guys." Which she has, earlier this week after a different training session. She made dinner for us a second time that night.

"I will," I reassure her, and she winks.

"Thanks, Gaara-sama!" she says happily. She stands and gaits along the street, her hand in the air as a wave in goodbye. "See ya!"

I watch her retreating pink-and-red figure and am a bit startled when I hear Naruto come up beside me. "Alright, I'm fine now, we can head back." He puts his arms behind his head and begins walking. Naruto stops as his stomach growls, which I hear from a meter at the rear from him. "Actually… let's buy some ramen from Ichiraku's first. I'm starved!"

He conveniently forgot his money at home, but I didn't mind paying for Naruto's meals along with my own. Three bowls compare to his usual five or six is nothing to pay for, especially since I only purchased one bowl and get paid well for the job I do.

When we're both content, Naruto says we should go down to the lake in the center of Konoha. It's about four o' clock, but since it's the middle of winter, the sun is already beginning to set. Because of this, Naruto insists I see the sun setting over water. 'It's much different than it setting over sand,' he said while eating. I go along with it, not sure what else to do.

Naruto walks out onto a dock and sits on the far edge, motioning to the space next to him, inviting me. I cross my arms and walk at a snail's pace to him, trying to ignore the constant watch he has on my movements. When he finally peels his eyes away, I'm left wondering why Naruto was staring after me in the first place.

"The sun should be setting soon," the kitsune begins, stirring up the small talk right off the bat. He dislikes silences far too much. I think it's because harsh or drastically lengthy silences make him uneasy.

"Hn."

Naruto looks over at me, his eyes soft. "Do you like sunsets, Gaara?"

Without looking at him, and using the removal of my sandals as the excuse, I say: "I prefer sunrises."

"Doushite?"

I dip my feet into the water. "They signify new beginnings, fresh starts."

Naruto's brows meet as he absorbs that statement. His eyes return to the water, which reflects oranges and yellows mixed with pale lavender-blues. Silence falls, and for a minute I think it's the kind that hurts Naruto, the ones he's doesn't like. Yet he seems calm and lost in thought. Still, I want to say something to ease the tension in those golden brows. I don't know what to say.

I'm saved the trouble as Naruto finally speaks, stealing the silence. "Ah… here come the pinks."

I look to the sky, and I see the swirls of pink in the clouds. For a split second an icy wind sweeps across out bodies, and shiver. The dull pinks turn crisper into magenta as the sun sets lower, and I sense warmth near me that wasn't there before that breeze swept through. I nearly jump into the water below when I find Naruto a handful of centimeters away, his breath clouding in front of him when he exhales. It's getting colder; for Konoha, winters are like falls, although with one or two snowfalls in January. I learned that from my sister and her trips here to work with that Nara character. But I had no idea it got this chilly. Since the warmth is so welcomed, I don't budge.

"Gaara…" he mutters. "What do you think sunsets are, if sunrises are beginnings? They're not endings, are they?"

He makes it sound like sunsets mean death. "No, Naruto," I tell him as gently as I'm able, "They aren't endings. They're hopeful reminders."

"Of what?"

"Of tomorrow, of what's to come," I say pensively, staring directly into his searching eyes. I look back at the colorfully reflecting water. "Of the future."

It was during a sunset that I spoke to Kankurou, recalling my future: I was going to be like Naruto and become the leader of my village to be respected and eventually loved, although not in the same context of other love. I learned from Temari the different sorts of love… and I'd never admit it, but I'm desperately hoping I can reach the romantic kind someday. It's a small dream, but it's the only one I have left now that I'm at the top of ninja status, have no demon, and finally have people precious to me. Which are three things I would have never thought possible if I were about four years younger. If I were that much younger, I'd laugh bitterly and claim that my older self is insane.

Maybe I am.

Because right here, right now… I can feel my heart fluttering in my chest and can't help but think an insane thought as Naruto murmurs, "Either way, it's beautiful."

The insane thought: It's pretty, yes, but it's not the only beautiful thing here. Not when the light is tinting your eyes an alluring blue-violet-grey and your hair a mellower blonde and making your skin appear soft and creamy.

The even more insane thought that's being made by my body and not my mind: I want to close the distance between myself and that beauty. Maybe it'll rub off on me and make me beautiful as well, inside and out; like how he is.

It was then I realized something. Perhaps I'm not insane… perhaps, it's something else entirely.

My hand raises and traces the dents of the kanji on my forehead, the scarred flesh feeling coarse under my fingertips.

"What are you thinking about?" Naruto poses.

"You."


	7. Late Night Revelations

**A/N: Uber short chapter, but it's "filler"-ish in the events. For your information, readers, this will only be TEN chapters long. Like I said in the summary, it's a mini-ficlet.**

* * *

_Still, I feel like I have to try.  
__I have to see if I can get those pieces to fit  
…__I have to at least attempt what's meant 'to be or not to be'._

* * *

"Me?" Naruto puzzles, and he reclines his head back a fraction of an inch. "What about me?"

I brush the question off and don't answer him. I hadn't even meant to admit that one word aloud! So why did I? I can be extremely foolish…

I stand, pick up my shoes and robes and march toward his apartment. I can hear him stumbling and scurrying to keep up with me. "Eh?! Gaara? Oi! Gaara! Wait! What about me? Where are you going? Ne, nee!!"

I ignore him.

The sky is quickly evolving into dusk, the colors dull, soft, and growing darker… the essence of twilight. I bathe my nose in the scents of the December night in Konoha and vaguely wonder how the scouts traveling to Sunagakure are faring.

"Jeez, Gaara… stop walking so fast…" the kitsune pants. "I've been training all day; can't you cut me a break, 'ttebayo?"

I continue to ignore him and instead wish it was summer; I would like to see fireflies since they aren't present in the desert…

"Gaara…" Naruto calls, and his tone causes me to cease walking. It's tired, beckoning… and demanding.

"Hmm?" I hum, pausing long enough for him to come to my side. Equals once again.

"Stop confusing me and leaving me hanging. Say what it is you need to say!" Naruto says stubbornly with his hands on his hips.

"Not here," I murmur just above a whisper.

He grunts exasperatedly and sulks. "Fine… When we get home, then."

- - -

When we did got 'home', I didn't confess what I had been thinking. I'm too confused. It seems whenever I let my mind wander, it comes around to Naruto. And when I try to distract myself, it goes full circle and returns to him. What is this obsession my mind has with him? It refuses my body's usual urges to leave or move away when he's nearby, and it thinks of nearly nothing but his ditsy behavior and his strong demeanor and his golden hair as warm as the sun and his cerulean eyes as rich as the sky and the strangely appealing whisker marks on his cheeks from his demon and the much tanner, almost caramel colored skin all over him and my min even thinks of the feeling of his overworked, Rasengan-worn calloused hands.

Ah, there I go again. Merely describing my thoughts makes me think them, and now I'm stuck with that odd churning in my stomach and feeling in my heart. Before, my heart merely ached with a gripping pain I tried to ease by clutching it through my chest. But now… after all that I've been through, and half of those things with or because of Naruto, I find my heart aching in a new way, in which it flutters like a trapped bird and aches to be released.

I shake my head at myself. It's late in the night in this instant, and I'm on the roof of Naruto's apartment. I know he's just below me, in his own bed, since I told him I won't be sleeping tonight. He didn't ask questions, nor did he protest. When the time came to sleep he simply moved his pillow to the bed and got beneath the covers. And I hopped out through his window.

I get the feeling that I'm not high up enough. Ever since I could remember, I liked heights. Being up on a rooftop gained me access to see all around me, and from that height I could watch. I could watch the stars, watch the sun and the moon, and watch out for my life. And yet it failed me, once; when Uncle Yashamaru attacked me. That was the lone moment in my life when being in a high place didn't save me from sensing an attack. Other times, I was readily prepared, even if I didn't always have the best advantage.

Still, I need to be higher tonight. The clean, crisp air on the heads of the 'Kage monuments should be adequate enough. So I jump roof to roof until I'm at the stairs leading up, and after a few minutes of running I'm where I want to be.

I sit on the Fourth's statue, reminded that he was Naruto's _father_. Like me, it seems, he was forced to hold the monster that wrecked his village. But I curious… was he meant to be a weapon like I was? Something tells me 'no'. Something tells me it was the only choice he had, and that he knew – of all people – his son could bear it. He probably thought it'd make his son a hero.

Foolish man. Brave, but foolish. He doesn't know how small-minded humans are, or how they react to the supernatural, like monsters from the Old Days. Shukaku told me about the Old Days when I was a bit older, right before I was rid of him, in fact. I asked him. _'What was it like, before humans came to be? In the Old Days?' _I was curious, and sleepless, and for once on a somewhat safe level with him. Shukaku had grunted, saying nothing at first, and I let the topic drop. But then he had decided to answer me. **'There were always humans around, child. There's not a day when they weren't here. but there was a time when they were too afraid of us to do anything and stayed far away from us demons. And we wreaked havoc and killed as much as we pleased. Those were the good Old Days, and those were the days I'd give anything to have back. It was before some hair-brained idea came into the humans' possession that said they would use their complex jutsus to make seals and lock us away in their own bodies for safe keeping, and in some cases like yours, for power. It makes me sick,'** he spat. I asked him, _'Was the world simple then? Without villages and division?' _He laughed at that question. **'Of 'course; society as you know it wasn't perfect. Humans came together in tribes, not villages, and had no leaders or status and were just beginning to create and experiment with ninjutsu. In retrospect, they stole ideas from demon powers. What came natural to us they mimicked and made their own.' **I took all that into consideration, and asked nothing more. Sometimes, Shukaku can be decent like that, and it's only when he's too tired to try and trick me into letting him out, or when he agrees with me on how despicable humans can be at times.

If I was lucky, I could get Shukaku to spill secrets about the Kyuubi. After I'd get something, though, he'd smirk and ask, **'You want to know because of that Uzumaki kid, don't cha?' **And I would never respond.

Sitting here now, in Konohagakure atop their line of leaders, it makes me think of how much I don't miss that rough voice in the back of my head whispering demonic mantras. It also reminds me of how Naruto must feel from time to time, knowing there is something else with thoughts and desires. And perhaps feelings, if demons feel and have emotions like humans do. I know they have some: greed, anger, bloodlust, frustration, agitation, and maybe fear. But I doubt they can do things like love.

Love. Now there's a topic I have yet to understand entirely and feel at a broad range. I feel it in a small range: light friendship love, small family love, and the love of doing things like reading or Sumi-e painting. But there are so many other kinds of love…

What puzzles me most is the blurring of one love into another. I've heard that friendship love can have smeary lines, and that sometimes, friendship love blossoms into romantic love. I also heard that family love can grow twisted and also into romantic love, which they call 'incest'. The latter frightens me; I shudder to think of anyone who'd fall in love with their cousin or sibling or something of the like. It's a disgusting thought.

But the first mention of friendship love turning to romantic love… now that idea intrigues me. Is that how Naruto is with Sakura, or has he always had a 'crush' (as Temari calls it) on her? And is it lasting to date? For reasons I can't place, I don't want that to be. Something tells me it would be an obstacle.

Wait, an obstacle? It's not as thought I want Naruto's heart… he's only my friend, isn't he? A precious person I would hate to lose? I thought that's all he was… **is**… And yet…

My heart flutters again, and I grip it through my shirt. My eyes dart back and forth at nothing in particular as I recap some information.

I tend to flush around him. I crave contact between us. I know him through and through, deeper than his friends do, because I know when his smiles are false and when he's hurting. And secretly, I want to help take away his hurt. And when we fought, and he said, 'I don't know why, but I understand your pain so much it actually hurts,' I had bee struck with something that never left me, because I knew then that he understood me as well. In addition, I enjoy being with him and wouldn't like to be anywhere else in this time of crisis than his home. It's welcome here; _he's _welcoming.

So does this mean…

My brain shocked into motionlessness, my body acts on it's own accord and escapes this high place and enters Naruto's bedroom. Blinking at the blonde's sleeping form, I had my answer.

And here I thought I could never experience such an emotion. Kami, was I ever terribly mistaken…

* * *

**A/N: OMG, HOW PERFECT IS IT THAT AFTER COMPLETING THIS CHAPTER, AND WHILE LISTENING TO ALL MY MUSIC BY THE BAND 'HURT', I HEAR THE PERFECT LYRICS FOR THIS ENDING MOMENT IN THEIR SONG "DANSE RUSSE":**

**_Quietly, while you sleep  
Whispering the sweetest things  
Close those eyes and stop them dreams  
'Cause all this is what you mean to me..._**

**Gawd, I've always loved that song, but now I love it more, LOL. Go listen to it! Search it on youtube or hear a sample on iTunes Store or something!! It's a really good song, and that tiny part I just typed up is from about 1:51 to about 2:04 (in minutes). **

**Anyway, I'm surprised this tiny 'nothing' fic is doing so well so fast (25 reviews in two days!! OMFG!!), and all thanks to my DB readers, it seems. XD  
****I love you guys. Review, please! Only three more chapters to go... **


	8. Meaningful Touches

**A/N: Warning: longest chapter of the story, for the win! And drowned in cotton-candy fluff. Hot damn.**

* * *

_In the end, I assume the worst and receive the best.  
__Whether or not I deserve such a grace, I don't know._

* * *

Another week passes. And according to our men (plus Lee) who returned, it will be a good three to five more until we can return home. Into another ten days we'll send the same scouts out again to see how things have progressed.

"The storm is raging fiercely, Kazekage-sama," one of them had said. "We didn't even need to leave the line of trees to see the clouds on the horizon ruining the heart of the desert… our home."

"It's like a hurricane on the land, made of sand and rain!" the other had agreed.

"Yes, it's sadly true," Lee had sighed. "Gomenasai, Gaara-kun."

I waved their apologies and stress aside. I couldn't take it paired with what I had discovered is occurring within my own self.

Night fell at the end of this excruciatingly long week, and I sat in Naruto's room awkwardly on his bed. He would be coming back from training soon, and I wasn't sure what to do. For a week I tried to convince myself that my midnight revelation wasn't true, that I was imagining things, but evidently nothing is that simple for me.

An example of the complexity I'm faced with: I fear rejection. I'm planning on asking something tonight, something I've been dying to ask anyone (I'd be more at ease asking Naruto in specific) for a long time now. I've been to shy to ask throughout the years, and never had the chance or wasn't in the right mindset to for other years. So here I am, going to bring it up tonight, but because of my recently realized feelings for the kitsune, I'm dreading possible rejection.

I hear the front door unlock. "I'm back, Gaara!" Naruto calls.

I adjust my seating on the bed and glance at the floorboards. I wait for the shower to end and don't even look twice when Naruto walks into the room to grab a shirt to sleep in and throw on his sleeping cap from his childhood. A security blanket of sorts, I assume. Like the small, ragged teddy bear I have stashed in my suit case… something from my own childhood, although more of a memento than a security blanket.

The second he turns to leave, I beckon for him to stop. He does stop, but slowly out of confusion. "Nani, Gaara?"

"Can you sleep with me tonight? On the floor?" I add the last part quickly so he doesn't get the wrong idea. Naruto does that often, since his mind was corrupted perversely from his previous mentor.

"Huh? Doushite?" he asks curiously, a teeny frown in his brows.

I straighten my back and still refuse to make eye contact, but I'm sure the way my hands twitch once and the more solemn than emotionless expression I can feel on my face tells him why. _I don't want to be alone. I don't want nightmares. I don't want you to be more than a breath away if I need you – no, __**when**__ I need you._

I notice how Naruto gulps. His eyes focus and unfocus as they fill with empathy. "Oh…" he whispers, his eyes fixing on the floor. "Okay, I'll sleep in here…" He leaves the room and returns shortly. He drags his makeshift bed in from the kitchen and sets it up on the floor half a meter away. He sits cross-legged on top of the blankets, pulling his jacket into his lap. The zipper seems to be broken, and he's attempting to repair it. "You look like you have something to say, 'ttebayo." He glances up from his task. "What are you thinking, Gaara?"

I vacillate between a few things; there's a lot I'm thinking of. What should I say?

Ensuing a few quick decisions, I start with a statement. "We're friends."

His expression asks why this is such a valid point out of the blue. He shrugs. "Of 'course we are, we have been for a few years now; at least I consider us so. What's on your mind, really?"

I cast my gaze to him at a measured rate until our eyes lock. I gather up my courage to ask that mind-boggling question that's been itching at me. "What do affectionate touches feel like?"

I once asked something similar. I had asked, 'What does pain feel like?' as a child because my sand never allowed me to feel physical pain. But now, I know all too well what physical pain feels like, and I want to know what the opposite feels like: physical pleasure. What does it feel like to be embraced? …To be comforted? …To be _kissed_?

Naruto yawns wide and long and blinks at me. "What makes you ask that?" he says. I can tell he's getting tired, but he understands the 'mood' I'm in and wants to help.

"I think you already know."

He does. I can see the recognition flashing in his eyes. He knows all too well how deprived I am of physical contact, partially from the distance I place between myself and others and partially because no one _wants _to. No one wants to touch me, because I was either a monster or too heartless. And he can probably guess how timid my siblings are with physical contact. Plus, they aren't the type of people to give it out often. Temari hits more than hugs, and Kankurou… well, who knows about Kankurou.

Naruto nods. "Yeah, I guess I do know. But Kami, Gaara…" He removes his night cap and runs a hand through his messy spikes. "I don't know what they feel like, either. The only real affection I get is a pat on the back or touch on the shoulder or ruffle of the hair. – That last one coming from older men, like Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-sensei, and Ero-Sennin. I mean, I vaguely remember one of those three carrying me when I was too tired or unconscious, like Kakashi-sensei after my big battle with Sasuke and Jiraiya after some training sessions, but…" He shakes his head. "And maybe Sakura-chan will lightly punch me in the arm after I did something cool, or Sasuke used to let me sling an arm over his shoulder… But other than those tiny things on rare occasion, no one comes near me unless it's to hurt me. I guess the nine-tails holds them back, eh?" He says the final statement in the manner I don't like; where he has his face smiling and his tone joking but you can hear a vague edge in his voice and pain in his eyes. It's a cover-up that I'm too smart too fall for. I know how Naruto hates it when people shy away from him.

I take a deep breath. "You've had more contact than I have. What does it feel like?"

"…I'm not so sure I've had enough to explain it, Gaara," he confesses.

Without meaning to, I feel an emotion flicker across my face. Being as sharp as he is with perceiving things, Naruto spots it. His own emotion reads, 'I need to cheer him up'. But I don't want to be cheered; I want to be reassured. I want _answers_.

"Ne, Gaara…" Naruto begins, a sly grin growing on his lips. "Since I can't tell you how it feels, maybe you can tell me."

I don't understand. I bring my invisible eyebrows together and venture, "How can I do that?"

He puffs up his chest at his brilliance and points to himself with his thumb. "I'll act out each kind of touch with you and you can tell me how it makes you feel." He smiles wider. "Plus, I'll benefit from this by getting a chance to feel those things along with you."

I blink in disbelief. He's willing to do that for me? While part of my brain is begging me not to let him do this because I might react badly due to my feelings for him, I nod nonetheless. "Deal."

He sets his broken-zippered jacket aside on the floor and comes to join me on the bed. I scoot up to the headboard and he sits across from me, his back to the footboard. Naruto's smile fades and he becomes thoughtful. "I guess you already know about handshakes, so let's try a high-five. You know what those mean, right?"

I nod. "They're congratulatory slaps on the hand," I say.

"Yup!" Naruto replies. "Hold up your hand."

I do so.

"When people give high-fives, it's like this…" and he smacks my hand hard enough to make a clapping noise but gentle enough so it doesn't sting. "'Great job, man!' they might tell you."

I bring my hand to my face and look at it. "That's odd."

Naruto scratches the back of his head. "Yeah, it kinda is. It's more of something Lee might do (heh, or _try _to do since Neji is such a stiff) with his teammates or friends."

I twitch my shoulder, a small shrug. I'm ready for another. I'm actually excited about this… there's a lot of contact I've missed, and Naruto's such a people-pleaser and good friend that he's willing to grant me that contact. I'll have to thank him later, because I'm quite grateful.

"Next, there's a ruffle of the hair to build confidence or show that someone thinks what you did was cute," he chuckles weakly. "It's kinda kiddish, and something normally fathers or brothers or sisters would give." The blonde pauses. "Or, in my case, a sensei." Then he leans over and musses my crimson locks, and out of reflex I lower my head into my shoulders from the pressure. He chuckles more strongly this time from my reaction.

"That just feels **silly**," I grumble.

"Yeah, it would," Naruto agrees. It's like the uptight pretenses we held vanished. He's smiling, truer than I've seen in a while. "But_ I_ liked it. Your hair's soft, almost like silk."

I curse my pale complexion as I find my ears and cheeks growing warm again. I have soft hair? I never noticed, nor bothered to make it soft with any special shampoos or conditioners. Hearing it from Naruto makes it seem significant.

Naruto clears his throat. "This next one is what I mentioned before that Sakura-chan gives me a lot: a punch in the arm. When she does it, it's like saying, 'stop teasing!', but right now, I dunno, I guess it's like a high-five, kind of like saying, 'you rock!'." He leans forward and punches me lightly, merely a tap, and a small giggle erupts form his mouth when he does it. I almost want to smile, too… it's all so foolish. I even say that it is in a tsk-ing whisper, and he laughs again. "You say that, but I know you liked it!" the kitsune contradicts. "I saw your eyes glow, like you were smiling."

How does he know that?

I don't have time to ask before he moves on. "Um, then I guess there's things like holding hands or putting your arm around someone. It can be kinda couple-like, but it can also be for comfort or out of friendship."

Naruto offers two fingers. I stare down at them, wondering what to do. Rolling his blue orbs, Naruto grabs two of my fingers with his.

"This is actually the symbol for friendship," he murmurs. "In sign language."

An index finger and middle finger locked like chains by two people means friendship? I had no idea. But it makes sense… it's like showing the bond chains have, and what you have with that other person. "I like this one," I tell him softly.

The kitsune releases my fingers and slides his hand up to come around my shoulder and bring us closer, but the angle isn't ideal; we were parallel a moment ago, so it's not the best, but the point is made. I flush again, feeling much more snug and secure encased in his arm than I should.

Once he let's go, Naruto has a strange, unreadable expression playing across his whiskered face. He shakes it off soon enough to dive into the next affectionate touch in his lesson. "Er… then there's a hug. But, hugs are complicated…" He inhales, probably preparing a speech. "First off, there are hugs to say hello or goodbye, which are quick and with one arm when saying hello and slightly longer and with both arms (most times a pat on the back) to say goodbye."

I was tempted to do something like that the day he left Suna. I had shaken hands with him, but I could tell we both wanted to yank the other into a hug. That strange electric pulse flowed through me at the time, daring me to do it. In fact… that same electric pulse was flowing through me at this very moment, keeping me excited and eager for each new touch.

In the pause where I'm sure both of us are thinking the same thing, I inquire, "Are there other kinds?"

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, there are. Depending on who they're with, there are hugs that hold you together when you're crying, or ones that are friendly and playful, or ones that are passionate and romantic," Naruto continues, and a blush streaks his whiskered cheeks. I hate myself for loving the appearance of that blush. "The crying hugs can be with anyone close to you. A parent, a sibling, and a friend… people like that. People you love and would seek comfort from."

"So which will you give me?" I want to know.

"Um…" he hesitates. "Well, uh, which one would you like?"

I look directly into his eyes and tell him flatly, "All of them."

He blinks twice and sputters, "A-all of them, 'ttebayo?! B-but…"

"I want to experience everything I can, Naruto, and I'm sure you do as well. We're in this together," I remind him.

He sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly. "Okay. Okay. Okay…"

Naruto gets onto his knees and moves closer to me. I don't focus on his face or anything except the Sumi-e painting I made that he chose to keep and hang on the wall opposite the bed. I feel his arms encircle my shoulders and a gentle pat on my right shoulder blade. "Friendly," he labels.

Then Naruto pulls me up and fits my body to his, an extreme amount of heat rising to my face. I feel him shaking. He brings my head under his chin and he strokes my hair with one hand and rubs my back in soothing circles with the other. I almost feel like crying, because without him labeling it I know this is the comforting embrace he spoke of. I wrap my arms around him dumbly, nearly slapping him with the force of my arms from the speed. This kind of hug… it makes me feel needy. I don't like feeling that way, but with Naruto… I think it's safe.

After that one, I sense him stiffening with uncertainty. He's not sure how to deliver the romantic one, and probably doesn't want to. So I do it for him, from what I've seen.

I slip my body upwards to my head it right beside his, my mouth at his ear. I press our chests together and feel his heart beating rapidly, much like my own. I then loop my arms around his neck and mutter, "Finish what you start."

I hear him gulp again and note the languid way his hands fall to my hips. "R-r-romantic," he breathes to label this type of hug. I try not to show how greatly the buzz of his lips tickles my earlobe.

Trying to capture the essence of this touch for as long as I can, I soak up the warmth I sense around my entire body and resist the subtle tug I have at my nerves to break the contact. I'm not used to it… but I want to be. I want to revel in embraces like these. So I inhale Naruto's scent, which smells like burning leaves, grass, ramen, watery sweat, and faintly oranges. It's a strange combination but not a disgusting one, and I file it away in my memory for future recollection.

On my shoulder, Naruto sighs pleasantly, as if he likes what he smells, too. Distantly I wonder what I would smell like to him. He probably smells me much better than any other human would, since he's mentioned before how holding Kyuubi affects his senses and enhances them.

"I like this affectionate touch best," I whisper half to him and half to myself.

He pulls away enough to look me in the eye. The blonde's own eyes are lowered slightly, as if he's tired. He brings his hands up to grab mine from around his neck. Naruto then places my hands on his hips and mirrors the act with his own hands. "I dunno why, but I do, too." He wiggles slightly, as if the innocence of the touch isn't so innocent after all. _Pervert._ He leans closer, his top teeth biting his lower lip. "You know… there's one other touch I can think of," Naruto says with a strange tone. It sounds like a combination between reluctance and lust.

"I told you," I reply in hushed tone, "I want to experience _all _of it."

"…Then you have to promise you won't think anything of this and won't ask me for it ever again," Naruto says sternly.

I have not an inkling what he's about to do, but I promise nonetheless. I trust him. "You have my word."

"Good," Naruto whispers, "Because I'm going to kiss you."

I freeze.

_Nani?! _

Please tell me he's joking. Please tell me he's playing one of his pranks.

But no, he only played pranks when he was younger to get attention. And he has my undivided attention already.

My breath hitches as my lungs deflate. I withdraw my hands from his waist and bring them to my chest, but Naruto grabs hold of my wrists and pushes forward until I'm trapped between the headboard and his body. I feel panic and crushing desire rise at once in my chest, daring to tear me apart from the inside.

And that's when his lips coat mine.

* * *

**A/N: What posessed Naruto, eh? Well, I'll tell you this much: he's not doing it becuase he secretly loves Gaara or anything. Truth is, he was acting on impulse and because of the hug, he was living in the moment, and for once wanted a kiss that wasn't accidental or (as in the anime) would suck the life outta him. (UHG, I HATE THAT VILLIAN! SHE SUCKS. LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY.)**

**So yeah. Now you know: they kiss, but this is technically an 'unrequited love' fic. You'll see by chapter ten. **


	9. Hope

**A/N: Real short this time, sorry. But it's the almost-end, so yeah... Plus, I'm outta ideas now so I stopped it where I did. -shot-**

* * *

_At least now I can comprehend, and have experienced  
__the meanings behind a simple human touch._

* * *

Thirty different things flooded my mind at once as my eyes drift closed and I press my lips back, trying to match his movements. Twenty six of those things are emotions; fear, pleasure, adoration, worry, troubled, soothed, desirous, timid, and so many more. The remaining four things were facts.

One, that this is _awkward_. Naruto isn't doing it because he feels the same as I do. He has ulterior motives I don't want to think about currently.

Two, that this is _wonderful_. It's filling me up with bubbling warmth like a golden liquid sun, filtering in through my mouth from Naruto's, sending shivers down my spine and tingles throughout my body.

Three, that I want _more_. Let me **feel** more… let me **taste **more… let me be **closer**, linked more to the other teen in my arms. And let me have more time, because I know it'll end sooner than it began. So, to prolong that closing, I slide my hand into Naruto's hair and hold him, unsure of my own actions but too absorbed to care.

And finally, four: this is _wrong_. Like the physical contact of being pinned to the ground, only much worse. Because I know we're two males and such a thing is frowned upon by my people and most likely his, too. Plus, I'm the leader of my village, so if they don't support males with males, I doubt they'd support me in this instant.

Achingly slow, the blonde parts his lips and removes them from mine messily, since they had gotten stuck together (Naruto had licked his lips beforehand, but I hadn't, so it left some peeling away to be done). His breath washes over my face, moist and hot like a swamp, but smelling sweet, similar to honeysuckle. How it does this I have no idea, but I close my eyes once more to inhale it.

"Gaara," he says, snapping me from my daze. "We should go to sleep."

I can tell he's embarrassed and probably figured me out. I bet he knows I liked that kiss far too much, and I'm sure he's already regretting doing it. I want to kick myself. For not controlling my emotions… or hormones.

"Hai," I agree in a small voice; small compared to my usual deep responses, anyhow.

Naruto makes a sharp thud as he jumps from his bed and lands on the wooden floor. He's acting peculiar.

"'Night…" It's muffled by the pillow and blanket he's cocooned himself in.

Out of the corner of my eyes I watch his lids lift, fall shut, lift again a bit lower than before, fall shut, and lift a third time just a slit before falling shut and staying. 'Fluttering closed' takes on a whole new meaning as I watch him conk out.

I sigh to myself, knowing we either made a huge mistake (well, certainly a gaffe if nothing else) or just began a fresh road in our relationship. As much as I pray for the other, I doubt it'll occur.

I sit in the dark for quite some time, waiting for Naruto to fall sound asleep. At one point, I know he's slumbering when his breathing is even and he begins muttering incoherently while rolling a bit. His dreams sound pleasant, thank goodness.

I hop off the bed and pad the two steps over to him, kneeling by his side. I survey his face, watching the minute expressions in the winter moonlight and sense of peace about him. Gingerly, I reach my hand out to stroke his jaw and the side of his face, and I tense when he leans into my touch and smiles vaguely. My heart clenches and my stomach rolls, reminding me that the kiss we shared wasn't the same both ways. I know he doesn't… _love_… me the way I… _love_… him. Tch. That word is hard to express even in my own mind.

"Gaara…" Naruto says, almost _whimpers_, in his sleep. I withdraw my hand and clench it into a fist on my pants. It's sickening how I react to hearing my name said that way. I shouldn't get used to it. He's sleeping, which means he isn't aware of how caring and needy his voice sounds when he says that two-syllable word. It takes me back to when I returned to life and he spoke my name gladly, as if he never wanted me to leave him again.

"Naruto…" I say with the same tone, but softer, and I let my broken expression show on my face to match the emotions flooding through me. How did it come to this? A kiss, and then… flat nothing. And how did it come to this, me falling in love with such a stubborn, knuckleheaded, determined… handsome, courageous, gentle… being? And how, of all things, did he get stuck with a demon like I had? It makes no sense.

In the depths of my intuition, I'm silently told that this isn't the end, nor the beginning. We hugged, yes; we went further and kissed, yes; and for a long time, we'll both say nothing of it, I'm sure. But… that intuition is saying, 'Gaara, don't give up yet. Your souls match. He'll come around'.

And I desperately want to accept that as the truth. So for tonight, I do. I take things in stride and assure myself that Naruto will come to love me someday if I give him time. Unrequited… I hate that word, but I can accept (or pretend?) that it's merely temporary.

I lean down and brush my lips across Naruto's chin and lower lip, reminded by a thin electrical current that I'm bonded to him in some way, and that _he_ kissed _me_ first for whatever inner rationale. I gather hope from that fact, and lightly smile; inwardly or outwardly, I'm not certain, but I'm grinning nonetheless.


	10. Goodbye For Now

**A/N: Last chapter! But this one is in Naruto's POV. So while reading... think: NARUTO. M'kay?**

* * *

_A couple weeks later..._

On his way out of Konoha, Gaara paused to say goodbye to me while his people left ahead of him. I had my hands laced behind my head, and when he held out his hand, my first instinct was to take hold of it. He seemed to want to shake hands goodbye like last time. But on closer inspection, I noticed that he was holding a piece of paper.

"Eh? What's this?" I asked with a cock of my head. I've been myself again since about a week after 'that night'. And Gaara hasn't said anything about it. Huh… it's like it never happened. But we both know it did.

"A poem," he said. He told me a month or so ago (wow, time sure flies when you're living with someone!) that he wrote them, so I wasn't surprised.

I grinned. "Cool! Is it for me?"

"You could say that."

Gaara lifted it higher for me to take. He smiled sadly, and I nearly didn't catch it on his lips; it was only half a smile, upturning one corner of his mouth, but I saw the real smile and the raw sadness in his aquamarine eyes.

I was confused, but I took the paper nonetheless and nodded once. "Arigato, Gaara," I said with a grin. "Bye. I'll visit you soon, okay? – After I learn something new in my training, dattebayo. Maybe we can spar again, ne?"

He didn't reply, merely blinked at me, as if he was thinking something over. I guessed that maybe he didn't know whether or not to shake my hand. Unlike the first time, I decided to take the lead. And since I didn't have sand to guide his hand to mine, I simply grabbed his limp fingers and brought them between us and nodded them. I spied a slight tint of pink on his cheeks, but I shrugged it off as just the sun warming his face.

"Goodbye, Naruto," he murmured softly. Then he released my hand and walked away, his siblings waiting for him at the edge of the forest outside the gates.

Later, when I went to my apartment, I opened the folded paper and read the poem. It didn't rhyme; it had no specific scheme, and was a bit confusing. I read it twice, then three times, then four. But I didn't quite get it.

This is what it said:

* * *

_They say you can't truly understand something until you experience it for yourself.  
__I'm determined to prove that theory.  
__They also say that we shouldn't stray too far from what we know.  
__Of all people, I believe this more than anything.  
__But sometimes boundaries are preordained to be broken.  
__I wonder if my boundaries can be broken, however. I built them so strongly…  
__Perhaps all it calls for is the right person.  
__And I think I know who to choose.  
__And I'm sure he'll help me…  
__Help me feel.  
__Help me experience the things I've been deprived.  
__Help me find the meaning behind what I don't understand.  
__Help me __**live.  
**__The only thing left to do is to wait and see when such a thing can transpire.  
I pray it's within the limited time I have to stay here.  
__Yet, I wonder… Is it meant to be?  
__Like a jigsaw puzzle, sometimes the shapes look like they'll match,  
only when you go to piece them together,  
they don't fit.  
Or maybe one piece fits, and the other doesn't.  
__Still, I feel like I have to try.  
__I have to see if I can get those pieces to fit…  
__I have to at least attempt what's meant 'to be or not to be'.  
__In the end, I assume the worst and receive the best.  
__Whether or not I deserve such a grace, I don't know.  
__At least now I can comprehend, and have experienced  
__the meanings behind a simple human touch._

* * *

It's like he's trying to say something to me, something I don't want to believe. Something related to the scar etched onto his forehead. Something I know I felt radiating off of him when I was teaching him the different actions of affection, the kinds of things we were both deprived of. And especially felt when he reached his hand to the back of my head and didn't let go when I kissed him.

It's something I don't know if I can return…

But this is why I did it those things, despite everything: I wanted to know what it felt like, too. I've been just as deprived as Gaara for nearly all of those touches, and somehow, I didn't mind that it was Gaara I was doing those things with. Maybe on some of them I'd have preferred it to be with Sakura-chan, but… I dunno… it was comforting. And he and I have trust between us and that weird 'electrical current' that we don't have with anyone else. We're bonded in a special way because of that.

Still, I don't know what to make of that poem. I know Gaara's talking about me when he says "he" and us when he mentions the puzzles. And that 'something' that I don't want to say is represented in the line, "or maybe one piece fits, and the other doesn't".

It all sounds like unrequited love to me.

There, I said it. And I'm really uncomfortable with that fact…

Here's why:

Like I explained when I was looking for him, _it's always him._

Gaara can't have what he's asking for; at least not soon, as far as I can tell. I know it breaks his heart, and in some means, it breaks mine, too. Because I don't want to do that to him.

See, that's the scary part: I'm not grossed out or recoiling. He's another male, and according to this poem, in love with me. And _I don't mind it_.

So I'm uncomfortable with him be shafted, and uncomfortable that I'm the one doing it. But slightly comfortable about the whole 'love' thing.

Weird, huh?

Not knowing what else to do, I refolded the poem and stuffed it in the drawer of my end table. The next time I see Gaara, I'll talk to him about it. I'm sure that's what he wants. And he'll probably want to know where we stand. I say we're still friends; but I dunno, we could become more… later. Maybe. Under the right circumstances…

I dunno. I really don't. My head hasn't stopped reeling yet. And not from solely today. Nah, I'm talking about from those few weeks ago when I acted on impulse and kissed my best friend. Yeah, I know, it's crazy. But Gaara does that to me: he makes me crazy. He doesn't say a whole lot and hardly shows the emotions I know he's hiding and damn it all, he became a 'kage before I did! But I still like him. He's a good guy, when you get down to it. Which is why I'm wondering what'll happen.

I took out the poem again and read it a fifth time. Then, I glanced at the Sumi-e painting on my wall. I bit my lip and fought with myself.

In the end, I let it go. I can't dwell on it now; there's a lot to do in not a whole lot of time. Still, it's there if I need to come back to it.

And, like Gaara, at least now I know the meaning of something: the meaning behind a person. Namely my red-haired, post-Jinchuuriki friend.

* * *

**A/N: FINITO! Now you can all sit back, relax, review, and make up your own ending. This is a mini-ficlet like I said, so it's not meant to be complicated or definite like DB (Detrimental Benefits) or TKATB (The Kitsune and The Beast) or anything. It's more like CBY (Changed By You) or something, only more unrequited-ish. But not entirely. Like... it gives you hope. Kind of. **

**Thanks for reading everyone, and please, don't kill me! LOLOLOLOL.**


End file.
